FIFTY SHADES SECURED
by Trixiesmom2u
Summary: After the kidnapping, Taylor confronts Ana about her disregard for security. pregnant Ana is a bodyguards worst nightmare but even when she's compliant, Ana is bait for for warped minds, keeping her husband and the security team on edge. All credit for characters go to E.L. James
1. Chapter 1

Ana sipped her morning tea slowly as she studied her husband as unobtrusively as possible. She frowned at the newspaper he held in front of him; either the article was incredibly long and incredibly interesting or he wasn't reading it at all. Ana tilted her head to one side thinking back to the sad look on his face when he first woke up. Something was definitely up. She let out a long sigh, wondering wearily just what Christian was keeping from her now. Suddenly Taylor was there at the entrance to the kitchen.

"We're ready when ever you are, sir."

Slowly the newspaper dropped as Christian nodded his head and replied, "A few minutes, please."

"Of course, sir" Taylor said softly and returned to his office.

Ana watched, confused by what had sounded like regret in Taylor's voice. She met Christian's eyes and saw regret there too. Alarmed, she opened her mouth to protest, but he beat her to it.

Ssh, honey. It's no big deal. Taylor and his security team just want to have a meeting with you. It's nothing." The words and his tone of voice were reassuring but his eyes and the way he kept running his fingers through his hair told her he was lying, trying to protect her again.

She knew at some point Taylor was going to give her grief about ditching Sawyer but she had forgotten about it. Obviously Taylor hadn't.

Christian stood and walked Ana to Taylor's office. She could see Sawyer, Ryan and someone else she didn't know. Christian gave her quick kiss and a gentle nudge forward into the office. She halted and turned towards him, "Aren't you coming too?" She asked.

"Not this time honey. Go ahead"

Ana frowned and turned back ahead to greet the security team with a nervous smile but no one smiled back and she knew she had just entered the lion's den alone.

Everyone stood as she entered and Sawyer directed her to a comfortable leather wing back chair set in front of Taylor's desk, directly opposite him. As everyone sat, Taylor introduced the man with grey hair who was sitting beside him, "Let me introduce Lou Welch."

Welch stood and came over and shook hands with Ana. She wondered if he had picked up on the slight tremor of fear she was experiencing. If he did he sure wasn't doing anything to reassure her.

As Welch sat back down, Taylor began. "I'm sure your husband told you what this meeting is about,"

"No Taylor he didn't. Why isn't he here? I know what this about and if you think I am going to let you gang up on me, you're wrong"

"We're not here to gang up on you, but we are here to get your attention. Your husband's presence would be counterproductive."

"Look, Jason, I know what this is all about. It's about me ditching Sawyer and saving Mia."

Taylor looked away to Welch and grunted. Then he stood up, slapped his hands on the desk and leaned forward towards her and in a low harsh voice he whipped out, "No! You're wrong, Mrs Grey. This meeting is about trying to keep you alive. Kidnapping is like rape. It's all about power. The ransom is just gravy. Half the time, the victim is dead before a ransom demand is even made."

Ana felt the trembling in her hands increase and wanted to tell Taylor if he was trying to scare her, he was succeeding. She stayed silent though and Taylor continued

"There are a dozen different way that ransom meeting could have gone," his voice getting louder and angrier with every word, "and every damn one of them has you both dead."

Ana shook her head impatiently. No way was Taylor going to bully her.

"Taylor,please...you're being over-cautious again. I did what needed to be done. It's over. Everyone is safe. Let's move on."

Taylor's face grew red. He turned his back to her abruptly and snarled "Welch."

Mr. Welch smiled pleasantly at Ana and said softly, "I direct your attention to the monitor on the wall."

Ana moved her chair and stared up at the monitor as the screen dissolved into an endless slide show of dead bodies each one accompanied by the pleasant voice of Mr Welch describing the ransom paid and the kidnap victims name, age and how long they had been held before being killed. She watched in horror wanting it to stop but Welch just kept droning on. Tears streamed down her face, so many people, so many women battered, bruised lying dead in pools of blood and then the slide show victims started to become children. Some looked like they were sleeping, some had obviously been beaten. She was sobbing now, but the slide show continued. When the first baby's body came on the screen she screamed, the screen stilled with the dead body of 5 month old Theodore Llewelan's picture frozen on the screen.

Taylor knelt down in front of her and hissed, "Do you have any fucking idea how lucky you are to be alive? Did you know Hyde was armed and pulled a gun after you collapsed? He was going to shoot you but I was able to shoot the gun out of his hand. There was someone else there too. Someone according to Elizabeth, who was going to take you away after Hyde was done with you. The mystery man escaped but he 's out there and you can bet he'll try again."

He stood up slowly, "How could you not trust us?" Ana felt embarrassed at the obvious pain in Taylor's voice. "I don't understand. How could you believe a kidnapper and not trust us? We'd all gladly take a bullet and give up our life to protect you but it's impossible if you don't trust us."

Ana started sobbing, staring at baby Theodore's picture up on the monitor. Taylor handed her a handkerchief and continued in a softer tone, "You're pregnant now. You're the biggest and best target Christian's enemies have ever had. You want to know how many names are on your husbands watch list? People who have threatened him or Grey Enterprises? Welch!"

"272 that we are keeping an active watch on. "

She gasps in horror. "No! That's not possible. How could so many people hate my husband. He's the sweetest, kindest man in the whole world!"

Taylor smiles and looks at Welch and the next thing all four men are laughing.

"Let's just say the rest of the business world doesn't agree with you, Mrs Grey" Taylor replied diplomatically still grinning. Then he got serious again.

"As your pregnancy advances, you will become slower, more predictable and it will be harder and harder to protect you. If you can't listen to Sawyer and Ryan and trust them to protect you, they'll have to be replaced. As of right now, you have a four person security team that goes with you everywhere outside of your home. It will change and once you start to waddle-"

"I will never waddle!" Ana interrupted furious with the description.

"Forgive me, Mrs Grey." and with an obvious smirk, continued "When you can no longer, yo walk briskly or run, your security team will likely triple. You are going to need to stop working. Maybe you can work from home but going into the office on a regular basis even with staggered hour is just too dangerous.

Ana shook her head from side to side in disbelief. Then she narrowed her eyes at Taylor, "This is Christian's doing, isn't it?" She spat out.

Taylor's hands curled into fists and he slammed one down on his desk in frustration.

"How in hell do I get through to you? After what you have been through since you met Mr Grey, how can you possibly act so naive? Do you have a death wish? Are you a passive suicide? I don't know what to say to you." He opened a draw and pulled out a folder. He reached across and handed it to her. " Read it," he ordered. "Read it good. Think about it. If you can't commit to it, Sawyer and I will resign. That's all, Mrs Grey, you can leave. "

"That's blackmail, Taylor. You know how much Christian needs you"

"I also know what seeing his wife'sdead body would do to him and it's not happening on my watch. You want to ignore security precautions designed to keep you and your baby alive then do it on someone else's watch, not mine. Unless you have something else Mrs Grey, this meeting is over. "

"Oh for gods sake, Taylor! Give me a pen and I'll sign the damn paper. "

"No, Mrs Grey. Read the damn paper, commit to it. I don't want you whining to your husband that there's too much security, that we're being overprotective. Think about it. Twice you've ditched Sawyer. It can't happen again. Not for any reason or he's gone. You understand?"

Ana glumly nodded yes.

"Ok, I'm sorry if I was a little hard on you. "he muttered gruffly.

"A little, Taylor?" Ana asked sarcastically, "Really, a little?"

Taylor smiled, "Really, Mrs Grey. I hardly swore at all. I didn't say half the things I wanted to or the way I wanted to say them but I sincerely hope you understood. There is a security protocol we have to follow. It isn't a guarantee that you won't be harmed but it increases the odds for your safety. I need 100 percent cooperation from you especially for the months ahead. Read the paper Mrs Grey and get back to me. "

"OK, Taylor. Let me go and study this." She replied holding the folder up.

Just then there was a furious banging on the door, "open this damned door, Taylor, or so help me God-"

The door opened revealing a panicked, wild eyed Christian. Ana eyed him up and down. His shirt was torn and pulled loose from his jeans. His bottom lip was swollen and it was obvious he had been in a fight. For once he was oblivious to his wife, "Taylor! You had no god damn right to tell her about"

"Sir, we agreed you could watch and listen to the meeting but not interrupt. It's her life, she can't make a decision if she doesn't have the facts."

"Come on, Christian. Taylor's right. I need to know what's going on. Come now, that was a very draining experience. I need to put my feet up and have a nice cup of tea."

"Of course, sweetheart." he whispered, softly kissing the top of her head and holding her close to him he led her away.

Then he turned, "By the way, Taylor, the two new guys who were supposed to keep me locked in my study? They're fired. If they can't keep me contained, they're not good enough to protect Anastasia."

'Yes sir," Taylor sighed, "I'll take care of it."


	2. Chapter 2

"Christian! Stop hovering! You're driving me crazy."  
>"I'm sorry, honey. I just want to help, I want to make you smile again. I want to hear you giggle; it seems like forever since you giggled "<br>Anastasia shook her said in exasperation, "Tell me please what am I supposed to be giggling about?"  
>"How about me man handling those two guys Taylor hired?"<br>Ana actually did giggle then and Christian smiled. She patted the space on the oversized leather chair she was sitting in, "Come here, Mr Grey," she invited. "You can help me go over Taylor's paperwork.  
>Christian held up both hands, palms out , "Whoa, I don't know if I want to get involved in that."<br>Ana reached up and grabbed his belt and yanked him down beside her. "Coward. " she hissed.  
>"Damn right," Christian muttered under his breath. Ana secretly rolled her eyes as she snuggled against his shoulder.<br>Together they went through the three page document. The more Ana read, the angrier she got. Finally, she threw it down in disgust. "Just who the hell does he think he is?"  
>Christian didn't answer. He bent down and picked the paper up.<br>"You know Ana, most of these requests are pretty reasonable."  
>"Reasonable? CCTV in our bedroom? Have you lost your mind?!"<br>"I said most of them. Obviously, that one has to go."  
>"What about having either Sawyer or Taylor accompanying me INTO the ladies room if there's no female security person present ?"<br>Christian shrugged. "I don't have a problem with that. It's not like they'd be seeing you naked. And frankly, I don't think their listening to you answer the call of nature is high on their wish list. It's their job. They're going to be as close to you as a second skin until we get these threats eliminated. It won't be so bad. You'll get used to it."  
>Ana sighed wearily. "i will never get used to it. It's never going to be the way it was before, is it?"<br>"No, honey. I can try and make security as invisible as possible but they are always going to be there and there's always going to be rules you need to follow."  
>"I hate rules." Ana replied defiantly.<br>Christian tightened his arms around her, "I know, baby. I know. I'm sorry. Don't hate me."  
>Ana bent her head into her husbands chest and cried quietly. "I don't hate you, I love you. I could never hate you Christian."<br>"I love you too, baby."  
>"There is one good thing in Taylor's rules, the weekly security meeting. I like that. I need to be in the loop."<br>Christian smiled, "I think he figured that out.  
>"How about we go out for lunch, Mrs Grey?" Christian asked, hoping to put a smile on his wife's face.<br>"Oh, Christian, could we? Please? You know it is our two months anniversary."  
>Christian looked down at her, bewildered, "Two months?" He asked.<br>"Two months pregnant, silly. "  
>"I could get a table at The Fairmont" Christian offered with a grin.<br>"What about Taylor? The rules say all outings have to be pre approved."  
>"Let me worry about Taylor. If I want to take my wife out to lunch, he damn well better find a way to keep her safe. That's his job."<br>That afternoon, after a long and leisurely lunch in a private dining room, a completely sated Anastasia clung to her husband as Taylor and Sawyer stayed close and kept a sharp eye. Once ensconced in the comfortable Audi SUV, Ana looked up at her husband dreamily "That was wonderful, Christian. The lobster, the shrimp even the steak was outstanding. I don't think I've ever eaten quite so much. "  
>"I'm sure, " he replied dryly.<br>"Instead of just rushing home, do you think maybe we could go for a little ride? I feel like I have cabin fever."  
>Christian nodded with a grin and called "Taylor. We'd like a short ride before we return home. Mrs Grey has spent too much time at home. She's feeling trapped."<br>"Yes sir. Will a drive on Interstate 5 do?"  
>"That will be fine Taylor."<br>They were driving on the Interstate about 10 minutes when Ryan must have called from the back up Suv that discreetly trailed Taylor. Christian watched as Taylor checked the rear view mirror and then calmly asked them to please make sure their seatbelts were fastened. As soon as heard Anastasia's belt click, the SUV shot ahead. He wore a bluetooth and his responses were all simple yes's or no's.  
>Christian held tightly to Ana's hand trying to reassure her but keeping one eye on Taylor and his reactions. When he saw Taylor's eyes narrow and felt the vehicle speed up again, he knew things were getting worse.<br>"I'm sorry Mr Grey, Mrs Grey but shots have been fired. You need to both get down on the floor.  
>"Fuck,"Christian swore as he helped Ana down.<br>"Don't worry, Anastasia. Everything is going to be fine. " he told her soothingly.  
>"Christian, shut the fuck up !"Ana sobbed into his shoulder. "You don't know that!"<br>"Anastasia, trust Taylor. Let him worry. He's the best and he will protect us. "  
>"I'll try" she said haltingly between sobs. The car was moving so fast, she was sure they were going well over a hundred miles per hour. The minutes ticked by and it seemed like they had been on the floor of the Audi for hours. Ana guessed it was really more like fifteen minutes when they heard Taylor let out a deep sigh.<br>"Finally!" Taylor muttered and the Audi started to slow down.  
>When Christian and Ana were able to get off the floor and return to their seats, there was a security vehicle behind them and in front of them.<br>Christian squeezed Ana 's hand and tightened his embrace as they entered the parking garage at Escala. Taylor stopped by the elevator and Sawyer and one of the new guys got out of the trailing vehicle. Ana tapped Christian's arm and whispered, "Where's Ryan?"Christian shrugged.  
>Inside the elevator, Christian said softly, "Try to take a nap, Anastasia. I need to speak with Taylor and my office and then I think I will join you."<br>Ana smiled weakly and nodded her head.  
>Once inside her home, Ana fled to the bedroom and stripped down to her briefs. Quickly she tossed on one of Christian's tee shirts and then slipped under the covers, trying hard not to think about the days events and hoping for a quick nap before dinner."<br>Christian strode quickly into Taylor's office. He needed to know exactly what happened. It was a random unplanned excursion. How could anyone have found them?  
>Taylor was standing at the ceiling to floor window. His jacket was off, his tie loosened. On his desk was an open bottle of scotch. He turned slowly as Christian approached.<br>"Mr Grey." He said simply but one look at Taylor's face and Christian knew the news Taylor would be sharing would be devastating. Grey poured himself a scotch and while Taylor returned to looking out the window.  
>"Taylor, what happened?"<br>Taylor continued looking out the window, away from Grey's piercing eyes.  
>"Taylor!" Grey called.<br>Taylor turned. There were tears on his cheeks. "We lost Ryan, sir. He was driving. When the suspect vehicle pulled even, they shot him in the head. Killed him instantly. The new guy Simmons that was riding with him is fine physically. Unfortunately, having Ryan's brains splattered all over him, well, he's pretty much a basket case emotionally.  
>Taylor paused, taking a long sip of the scotch.<br>"Fuck!" Growled Grey.  
>"My feelings exactly sir. Ryan was a good man. He will be missed."<br>"Taylor, I am concerned as to how they found us. "  
>"I know Mr Grey. I am worried about that too. The vehicles are being checked now but I don't think they'll find any bugs. I think we need Barney. I think someone's found a way to hack into our security system."<p>


	3. Chapter 3

Ana tried to sleep but visions of dead baby Theodore kept her awake. She wondered how anyone could be so heartless or desperate that they would kill an innocent baby. Her hands clutched her stomach as a wave of fear washed over her. Tears ran down her face and she turned to sob into her pillow.  
>Suddenly, Christian was there, laying beside her, his strong arms embracing her, comforting her, his soft voice trying to reassure her.<br>She finally reached the end of her tears and turned to her husband and asked, "Who was baby Theodore?"  
>Christian looked at her with a blank look on his face.<br>"Baby Theordore. He was five months old and a kidnapping victim. "  
>"Oh, you mean the Llewellan kid."<br>"Theodore Llewellan? What happened? Did he have security? How come I never heard about it ?"  
>Christian frowned and then sighed. He really didn't want to talk about Theodore Llewellan when he needed to tell Ana about Ryan.<br>"Christian!" Ana called impatiently, "Theodore?"  
>Her husband sat up and glanced down at his beautiful wife. "It's an ugly story honey. Let's save it for another day. "<br>"Please, Christian, I need to know."  
>"Fine. Llewellan is English. He keeps a very low profile, made his money with some kind of chip for ATM 's. He's in his forties and married for the first time about five years ago. About two years ago his wife gave birth to a son. When their son was almost five months old, Llewellan needed to make a business trip to New York. His wife had never been out of England so she came with the baby, the nanny and the normal security complement. They stayed at The Pierre Hotel in New York right near Central Park. Every afternoon the wife and the Nanny put the baby in a carriage and strolled through the park. The security guy walked behind them looking for threats. The security guy was grabbed from behind and his throat slashed. A woman approached the mother and chloroformed her. The Nanny started screaming and was shot to death. The woman grabbed the baby out of the carriage and ran. The ransom letter came hand delivered an hour later, gave them 24 hours to get a five million pound ransom together. That night a homeless guy who was dumpster diving found Theodore's body that evening. His wife committed suicide six months later. Three months ago Llewellan was killed when his car hit a tree. Supposedly he was drunk and lost control. "<br>"How awful."  
>"It was pretty awful. A sad story. She did everything right and still some fucking maniac was able to grab her baby and destroy their family." He sighed wearily and laid back done, pulling Anastasia close and holding her tight.<br>"There's something else I have to tell you. I wish, I-I "  
>Anastasia lifted her face to his, "What is it? What's wrong?" She asked wiping a tear from her husbands cheek. "Please, Christian! Tell me!"she demanded frantically as her imagination went into overdrive. "Is it Ray? Kate? Tell me Christian!"<br>"I'm so sorry honey, but we lost Ryan this afternoon."  
>"Ryan? What do you mean,'we lost him'"<br>"Whoever was in the car that was trying to follow us tried to pass Ryan. When he wouldn't let them by, the passenger rolled the window down and shot him in the head. "  
>" Oh my God! Oh, Christian. This is too much. I can't take this. I can't Christian, I just can't!"<br>Despite her words, Christian knew she was strong, "Sssh, baby. You are strong. You are my rock. You are Blip's rock too. You have to be strong for blip now."  
>Anastasia sighed. "I know Christian, but sometimes it's so hard. How is Taylor taking it?"<br>"He just got off the phone with Ryan's wife, I wanted to call her but he insisted. He'd notified her earlier and offered to take her to the hospital but she wanted no part of him. I tried calling but she refused my she's called him back just so she can scream shit at him."  
>"Did he have children?"<br>"Ana, please! Can we talk about something else?"  
>"I'm sorry, Christian. Can we skip dinner tonight? I'm really not hungry, I ate a lot this afternoon."<br>"We can delay dinner, but not skip it. Come on now, let's rest. " 


	4. Chapter 4

I awoke alone from a dreamless sleep. Christian is gone, probably in his study working. The room is dark except for the twinkling night lights of Seattle's skyline. I feel lethargic, turning my head to see the time is exhausting. The alarm clock on the nightstand says 7:42 PM. I sigh quietly. A heaviness has settled on my chest. I lay alone, recalling the day's events as memories of Ryan slowly wash over me. Ryan standing on deck of The Grace, scouring the horizon with binoculars, searching for unknown threats. Ryan standing proudly with his bloodied lip over Jack Hyde's unconscious body. Ryan always on alert, ready to fight anyone, ready to fight anything to protect me. Ryan dead. Tears drip silently down my face. Poor Ryan. I wonder about his wife. I know how horrible it feels to think your husband is dead but I can't imagine what it feels like to know he is dead, thank God. I wonder if he had children. Maybe a son. Then I realize I don't even know Ryan's first name. How could I not know his name? I'll bet Christian knows his name. Taylor, Sawyer, even Gail, I am sure they all know his name. Just me. I am the only one who doesn't know it. He gave up his life to protect me and I don't even know his fucking name?

Fuck, what kind of heartless bitch have I become? Then I suddenly remember asking for the joyride, the ride that cost Ryan his life and I realize I am the reason he died. If it weren't for me, Ryan would still be here. Oh God, Taylor and Sawyer must hate me. I haven't seen either of them since...I swallow the lump in my throat. I need to speak with Taylor. I need to know he doesn't hate me. Wearing Christians white tee shirt is almost like having his arms around me so the shirt stays. I leave it and just pull on a pair of sweats. I scramble through my purse to find a pen, then grab the paper Taylor gave me this morning and quickly sign it.  
>Silently I pad barefoot down the hallway to the great room. I head past Christian's study being careful to avoid the kitchen. Just the thought of food now makes me gag. As I pass My husbands study, I can hear him yelling at someone and quickly make my way to Taylor's office.<br>I can see light peeking out from under the closed door. I hesitate, standing there, clutching the signed paper he gave me this morning. Jeez, was that only this morning? Ryan was alive and well then.  
>Screwing up my last bit of courage, I softly tap on the door. There is no answer so I tap again, just a little bit harder. Still no answer. Maybe something's wrong? Most likely Taylor isn't there, he just forgot to turn out the light. I know I'm telling myself a damn lie. Taylor NEVER forgets anything. Maybe he just doesn't want to see my face. I can hardly blame him but I really need to apologize and offer my condolences. I grab the doorknob and slowly and as quietly as I can I turn it and open the door a crack.<br>He's there. Sitting behind his desk, his shirt partly undone, an open bottle of scotch in front of him and a glass of scotch in his hand. I can see by the look in his eyes he's annoyed with me. Then it's gone. I can also see a slight glaze in his eyes from the scotch. He says nothing just stares at me with hooded eyes. "Taylor," I begin, walking into the office. I reach to shut the door and he interrupts. "Leave it open, please Mrs Grey"  
>Oh God this is so awkward."Taylor, " I begin again. I promised myself I wouldn't cry but I can feel the tears falling. I know I am going to lose it. I need to tell him quickly. So I blurt it out "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know it's all my fault. Please, please don't hate me." By now the sobs have started and there is nothing I can do. I need to get out of here. I drop the paper on his desk and turn around to flee.<br>"Mrs Grey" The command in his voice makes me stop and turn.  
>He stands, "Mrs Grey, please have a seat."<br>He closes the door. Oh shit. What the hell does that mean? I watch as he puts the scotch away in his bottom walks over to a coffee maker pours a black coffee for himself. Then he reaches down to the mini fridge and silently holds up a bottle of orange juice and one of water. I shake my head no and he opens the juice and puts it in front of me. He pushes a box of Kleenex towards me and I gratefully grab several. He lets out a long sigh and slowly sits back down behind the desk, buttoning his shirt up as he sits. My sobs have stopped. I sip on the juice and it tastes good. Still, I feel exhausted with guilt over the pain I have caused everyone.  
>"Feeling better?" Taylor asks and it's the old Taylor, the one who is so dear to me.<br>I nod yes.  
>"Then do you think you could explain just what you meant when you said Ryan's death was your fault?"<br>I look down at my lap and twist my hands nervously. "I know it's my fault, Taylor. If we had just come straight home after lunch, Ryan would still be here, but I-I asked for a joy ride. "  
>"And I agreed. Doesn't that make it my fault ?"<br>"Taylor, ever since I have been here, it's been one thing after another. It's me. Somehow it's me. It didn't happen before me, did it? It's me, it's all my fault. "  
>Taylor suddenly sits up straight, his eyes narrowed. He tilts head to one side, pondering my words. "All along we have assumed this was all just Jack and Leila but maybe, maybe we were wrong. Maybe this is one big hurt and harass. One thing is certain, it's not your fault. If it's anyone's fault it's mine for hiring him. I knew he was a hothead and reckless. I knew why he wasn't with the FBI but I thought with time I could mold him into my idea of perfect. I should have fired him when he caught Jack. He broke just about every safety rule he was ever taught but I was just so relieved Hyde was out of the picture, I didn't discipline him. Now he's dead. He didn't follow basic safety issues, he recklessly fired his weapon while he was driving. Firing behind you while you're driving is nothing but a waste of ammo. You see it in movies but not in real life. "<br>He took a long sip of the coffee and continued "Don't go to sleep tonight thinking your responsible for Ryan's death. You're not. Do you understand that?"  
>Slowly I nod.<br>"Ryan's death today is a wake up call for all of us. It was a totally random excursion and should have been reasonably safe."  
>Then he reached for the paper I dropped on his desk. He held it in his hands and looked over at me and asked solemnly, "Do you trust me Mrs Grey?"<br>I nod my head and answer softly, "Yes, Taylor. I trust you. "  
>"From now on if anything like what happened with Mia ever happens again, I want you to give me a code word so I'll know you need help. I don't want you to ever feel so alone again. Pick a word that's a little unusual but can be used in ordinary conversation."<br>My brain is mush. I can think of nothing.  
>Taylor smiles gently. "How about if you mention the name Aloysius Jones? Can you remember that?"<br>"Yes," I reply softly.  
>"Good. Mention Aloysious Mrs Grey and I'll know that something is wrong and you need help. Even if you just need to talk, I am here Mrs Grey, okay? It doesn't need to be blackmail or a kidnapping for you to need to talk to me. I want to know about anything that makes you uncomfortable. You should have told me you were unhappy with Prescott. Replacing her would have been an easy fix.<br>"I'm sorry, Taylor." I know I will never come to just talk but knowing that I could if I really needed to is almost overwhelming. The tears start falling again as I mumble my gratitude and start to stand.  
>"Wait. " Taylor commands and then taking the paper I signed he slips it into the shredder beside his desk."Now go and remember Aloysius!"He's grinning now, as he gets the door for me. I wipe my tears with a tissue, grin back and leave.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

The last few days have been awful. Morning sickness has become morning, noon and night sickness. I can keep nothing down and feel like shit all the time. I sip tea and nibble on toast or crackers, but I barf it up minutes later.  
>Dr Green is coming again today. She came yesterday and read Christian the riot act. Apparently, he should have called her sooner. The only thing that kept me out of the hospital was my security issues; that and the fact that Taylor is a licensed EMT. Who knew?<p>

So I am on bed rest. With an IV stuck in my arm. Christian is crazy with worry and in hyper overprotective mode, Taylor is running a close second and even Gail has been hovering.

Tomorrow is Ryan's funeral. I won't be going to it because of the bed rest and IV issues. Somehow, I don't think I would have allowed to go regardless. Since I have been sick, the information highway has dried up. All that keeping me in the loop business? Gone. I am so far out of the loop now, it isn't funny. The only reason I know Ryan's funeral is tomorrow is one of the new guys was relieving Sawyer and asked him in the hallway if he was going tomorrow. Sawyer told him he was going because Taylor was staying home with me.

Gail is making me chicken soup for dinner with home-made bread. If I can keep that down and I show no signs of dehydration, Dr Green might remove the IV. She's coming tonight around 5:30. Maybe if she removes the IV I will be able to get up and move around again. I can only hope for the best because this bed rest shit sucks.

I hear a familiar knock on my door, which is now kept permanently ajar if Christian isn't home. Taylor. He's come to check my IV and take my vitals. I'm glad he's here, I need to pee and Dr Green has left orders that I'm not allowed to walk anywhere alone because of the dizziness and overall weakness.

I have to pee into something called a hat which is like a bowl that slides under the toilet seat. Taylor then measures it. Eew! Everything I drink is measured as well. I think I must be reading the wrong pregnancy books because none of them have described the hell I am going through.

"Taylor?" I ask, "what's happening?"

His eyes smile as he tells me he is trying to find a female security person with an EMT certificate.  
>"So far the only one I found is Prescott and that won't work."<p>

"Taylor, I have no problem with Prescott coming back."

Taylor grinned, "I didn't think you would. You are not the problem."

"Oh," I said sadly, knowing Christian must be the problem.

"I tried, Mrs Grey, but Mr Grey is insistent that she not return. "

He walks into the bathroom and starts measuring my urine output.

"Seriously, Taylor, I'm sure you have better things to do than measure how many cc's of urine I passed," I point out grumpily. "I like you Taylor. You know I do, but I need some female companionship and you're just not cutting it. "

Taylor laughed.

"I hear you're babysitting me tomorrow." I mention casually.

He simply nods yes in response, declining any explanation.

"I 'm so sorry you can't go, Taylor."

He looks up from the pad where he is scribbling notes about the IV, and gives me a twisted smile, "Frankly, Mrs Grey, it's a relief. Funerals aren't my thing. "

"It would have been my first. " I admit.

Taylor comes over and checks the IV site. "We'll wait for Dr Green but if she keeps this in, we'll need to start a new line." He looks at my other arm, tapping the veins with his finger and concludes there shouldn't be any issue. Then he surprises me by asking how have I avoided funerals up to now.

I laugh, "It's easy I explain. Nobody I knew died. "

"Lucky you." He replies, more serious than not.

"How's your head?"he asks.

'It's fine." I reply.

He stares hard at me and shakes his head in exasperation.  
>"Let's try that again. How is your head, Mrs Grey?"<p>

I sigh, wondering how the fuck he knows. "It hurts but not as much as yesterday."

Taylor smiles, "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

I make a face that he ignores.

He continues writing notes in the nursing log, he pauses and looks over at me. "I remember when my wife was pregnant, she had a big problem with morning sickness too. I used to fix her burnt toast and club soda."

"Did it work?" I ask

"Sometimes," he smiles.

I make another face which he also ignores. Burnt toast? The idea does not appeal.

He finishes writing his notes and shuts the book. "Do you want anything for pain?"

I shake my head no. He looks at the clock and reminds me Gail will be in with my lunch soon and leaves.  
>Lunch. The thought makes me gag. I don't want to eat. Not jello, not soup, not anything. Gail floats in and out all day long bringing a constant barrage of light food designed to stimulate my palate. It just seems like it either smells awful, tastes awful or feels awful. I am sick of tea, and ginger ale and ice chips. The next person who pours me a fresh glass of water may find themselves wearing it.<br>I hear the soft tones of My Love Is King and answer my phone.

"Hi honey, how are you feeling?" My husband asks.

I am sure he has already had at least three updates from Taylor so I snap back, "How the fuck do you think I feel? My head hurts, my stomach is sore from all the retching and every time I open my eyes someone is trying to hand me a glass of water or sticking a blood pressure cuff on me. I'm tired of this shit, Christian. I can't even get out of bed. You try staying in bed, hooked up to an IV pole. I have to puke in a bucket because I can't get to the bathroom in time. How am I feeling? I feel like shit!"

"Anastasia, are you giving everyone a hard time?" He asks chuckling.

Just then, Gail comes in with a tray of scrambled eggs, orange juice and tea. Immediately my stomach heaves. I lean over the side up my bed and heave up the little bit of water I've drank earlier. I order Gail to get the damn tray out of my sight. Okay, maybe I didn't say it quite as nice as that. I wipe my mouth with a tissue and want to cry. Instead, I pick up the phone and tell my wonderfully patient husband, "This is your fault, god damn it. Go to hell!" and hang up. I look over at the clock and note the time. It takes one minute and thirty five seconds for Taylor to show up.

He pulls up a chair. He sits. "He's worried about you both, you know."

I say nothing.

"He's going to come home early and try to get you to eat."

It takes only a moment for the horror of those words to actually settle into my brain. I immediately pick up the phone and speed dial my husband. Christian coming home trying to feed me is really not something I am up for today. He is stubborn. He will not stop and I will have to eat or die.

"Anastasia, I am coming home." he announces

.  
>"I'm fine Christian. Please don't come home for me. I am feeling much better. Taylor is going to fix me something he used to make for his wife and I promised I would eat it."<p>

"No, Anastasia. I am coming home. Between all us we will find something you like. "

"Christian, please, please don't come home. I promise I'll eat. I just want to eat something and then take a nap."

"You don't want me there with you?" He asks in a hurt tone

"I love you but right now I just want to sleep."

"Alright. Rest. I'll check in with Taylor later. I love you, Mrs Grey."

"I love you, Mr Grey. I'll call you after I eat, okay?"

"Anastasia I love you but please eat! "

"I promise Christian."

"All right, let me see what I can get done here so I can at least come home early."

"Okay, goodbye, Christian."

"Goodbye, Anastasia."

"Thank you, Taylor." I say gratefully as I sink down into my pillow, relieved Christian isn't coming home early.

"Your welcome, Mrs Grey. Try to sleep. I 'll be back later. "I didn't have to try hard; in moments I was asleep.

I awaken 45 minutes later with a strong urge to pee. I grab the house phone and press 1 for Taylor. I shyly explain I need to go. Taylor is there immediately. He helps me stand I hold onto the IV pole and slowly make my way to the bathroom. Very slowly. I think this is the dizziest I have felt yet. From the corner of my eye, I can see Taylor frown. Shit. When I get across the room, my hands are shaking really bad. Taylor slides one arm around me, keeping me upright. He hollers for Gail. Without waiting for her, once I am in front of the toilet, he switches his grip to holding me by my armpits and pulls up my tee shirt so I am not sitting on it but still decent. Gail arrives and he leaves with a warning to not even think of standing until he gets back.  
>Gail stands outside the open door. She looks away. Free to pee I am appalled when I can't. I am shocked. I try and try but only a drop comes out. Oh shit, I am in big trouble now. I am almost sure that is one of the warning signs Dr Green warned Taylor about.<p>

Taylor has returned and has my husbands chair from his study. He holds me while I stand and wash my hands. Then as Gail pushes the IV pole he gentle carries me to chair and sits me down. Gail gets one of Christian's velvet robes and tucks it all around me. Then Taylor pushes me across the house to the kitchen. He tells Gail what he needs and she quickly produces it.

A slice of bread goes down in the toaster and four shot glasses line up on the counter. Red wine go into two and club soda into the other two. The toast pops up and Jason pushes it back down. When it comes up the second time it is black and burnt. He pulls it out and slaps it quickly on a plate. He takes a knife and carefully trims the crust away. Then he slices the remaining piece of toast into 6 tiny thin strips, each no more than half a mouthful. Leaving his culinary creation behind, he pushes me into his office with Gail dragging the pole. He pushes me up to the side of his desk. Then he starts looking in a filing cabinet. He returns with a bulging folder of possible applicants for security positions.

"I want you to sort these by date of application, they're all stamped. Then sort them again for experience. We 'll see what you have then. Before you start, sip on a shot glass of red wine and try one tiny bite of toast. Nothing else. Ok?"

Gail has returned with the tray of shot glasses and Taylor Toast. I feel a little hesitant but I am desperate and willing to try anything. I really don't want to spend the night in the hospital nor do I want to lose this baby. I nod and reach for the wine. "Are you sure this is okay?" I ask

"I checked with Dr Green while you were sleeping," Taylor explains.

"Okay." I take a tiny sip of the wine looking first for the waste basket in case I have to heave. It tastes the way my wine always tastes cold and inviting. I start sorting the applications. I take another tiny sip of wine and successfully hold it down. Then I bravely reach for a tiny bite of toast. Then I return to sorting. When I have finished sorting by date, I have also finished my first shot of wine and one small strip if toast. I look at the remaining 3 shot glasses and start wondering which I should choose but a Taylor interrupts with a gruff reminder to sort. I sort. It is tedious and I need to concentrate but a welcome break from bed rest. I reach for another piece of toast to pop in my mouth and to my shock, the tray is empty.

"Taylor!" I gasp. "I finished it all."

He smiles and nods. Gail is standing in the doorway smiling.  
>"Would you like another round, Mrs Grey?"<p>

"Yes, please and more Taylor Toast too."

By the time I finish the sorting, I have drank 3 ounces of red wine, 3 ounces of club soda, and 5 ounces of Twinnings Tea with honey along with a slice and a half of Taylor Toast. I am feeling proud and accomplished, if a bit weary. Taylor announces it's time for a nap and returns me to my room, collecting Gail along the way for a pit stop before bed. As Taylor guides me to the toilet, I can feel a noticable improvement. My headache is almost gone and I hands tremble less.  
>By the time Christian arrives home with Sawyer I am nibbling on an orange and have had a few spoonfuls if yogurt and granola. Christian is thrilled and I am pretty excited too.<br>Dr Green arrives promptly at 5:30. She speaks with Christian and Taylor for a long time before coming to my room. She examines me carefully, takes my vital signs and reads Taylor's notes. Christian hovers on the other side of the room.  
>"You always surprise me," Dr Green laughs. I was certain I would be calling 911 and admitting you tonight but a little bit of wine and some burnt toast seems to been just the ticket for you. I am going to leave the IV in one more day but if you continue progressing, we'll remove it tomorrow.<br>"Please, Dr Green. I hate it."  
>"I want you to eat often but small, tiny amounts. I want you out of bed, sitting up a table when you eat. Try to get up and at least sit in another room for a little while. I've given your husband and Taylor a list of instructions. Just follow the instructions and you and the baby will be fine."<br>I sigh wondering how the hell I am supposed to follow the instructions when I don't have them. Life can be so frustrating.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

I step into the crowded elevator, Taylor at my side. The new guy Sullivan is parking the car. Security for myself, my wife and my family has been ramped up, but the incident that caused Ryan's death five days ago still has not been explained. I step off the elevator and stop dead when I see Welch sitting in the reception area.  
>Fuck. Getting Welch to leave his lair is almost impossible. I saw him five days ago for Ana's meeting. Seeing him twice in one week? Not good, not good at all. I talk on the phone with him almost every day but I rarely see him. I have never seen him twice in one week maybe twice in a year but never twice in a week. He may be my head of security but he lives in shadows, very deep, dark shadows. Seeing him waiting for me outside my office without so much as a call or text is unsettling to the extreme.<p>

He sees me and stands and nods at the elevator. Taylor and I turn around and enter the car, holding it for Welch. As the doors close, I hear Andrea calling my name in dismay. She almost sounds comical.  
>I look at Welch, my curiosity apparent. He looks back but says nothing. Taylor and I allow him to lead the way. We cross the street to a public parking garage. He leads us to a late-model Cadillac with dark tinted windows. Taylor holds his hands out for the keys. Welch shakes his head then opens his brief case, pulls out his cell out from around his belt drops it inside the open briefcase then he reaches into his back pocket pulling out his wallet and drops them inside the briefcase as well. He holds it open to me. I look at Taylor, unsure. He nods so I put in my cell and wallet. Then he holds it over to a Taylor. Taylor looks long and hard at Welch then drops in three cell phones and two wallets. Welch locks the brief case and opens the trunk. There is a built-in safe dead center in the rear. He opens it drops in the briefcase and locks it.<br>Then he walks two spaces down and pulls out another set of keys for a late-model Ford Taurus. He hits the remote that opens the doors and tosses the keys to Taylor.  
>It is unnerving to think we are driving out to some unknown destination with no backup, no means of communication and no way for anyone to track us. I know if I am uneasy, Taylor must be going out if his mind. I trust Welch but he better have a damn good explanation. He gives Taylor an address, a busy intersection a couple of miles away. Taylor looks at me in the rear view mirror. I nod and he pulls out.<br>At the intersection, Welch asks Taylor to pull over. He does and a young, nerdy looking high school kid approaches the car and stands at the curb.  
>Welch looks at Taylor and explains "You need to search him before he can get in. No phones, no iPods, no wallets or credit cards."<br>Taylor completes the search and the somewhat nervous young man gets in beside me and introduces himself as Barney. Barney? My Barney? My IT guy Barney? Are you shitting me? I have never met Barney. It sounds like Barney but for God's sake, he doesn't look old enough to drive which is only sixteen in Washington. Christ! I think of some of the checks I have authorized payment for to one Barney Wells and somehow force a smile and hold out my hand. Barney has come with no wallet and no cell. His pockets were empty.  
>Welch then starts to speak, "My apologies for the subterfuge but we needed to use extreme caution. Mr Taylor, there is some heavy construction going on near the downtown exit on I-5. If you could find somewhere to park near the construction noise, I'd feel a little more at ease."<br>Taylor nods and we slide out into traffic. Once at our destination, Taylor keeps the engine running and Welch begins to explain.  
>"Barney and I have been checking and double checking all our security. In particular, software for tracking devices. I think we are all agreed that there is no way the attack that occurred on Interstate 5 was random. Either the car was tracked, your cellphones or something else. The only other thing we could think of was wallets and credit cards. This car is a rental, as was the caddy.<br>I cut him off then. "So my cell phone is compromised and they can track me. Is that what you're saying?"  
>"No, Mr Grey," Barney pipes up. "It's much worse than that. All of your security, every camera, every email, every bank account; we think it's all been compromised."<br>I look at Welch in disbelief, "Is that possible?" I ask  
>"Yes, sir. "<br>"How the fuck long has this been going on?"  
>"Unknown, sir."<br>"Who?" I demand  
>Welch shakes his head, "Unknown, sir."<br>I don't like where this is going. I stare hard at Welch in the front seat and lean forward, never losing eye contact and in a lethal whisper I ask, "My home, where my pregnant wife is, how is the security there Welch?"  
>"S-Sir, we have no proof but we believe someone has hacked into the system and everything is being accessed and monitored by unknowns."<br>I swivel to stare at the pimply kid beside me.  
>"You're the fucking hacking expert - is this even fucking possible?"<p>

"Oh, yeah, sure. Give someone enough time, money and hardware and you can hack anything. What's happened here is curious because it is so clean. When you sweep the system nothing shows up. "  
>"Then how can you be so sure it's been hacked?"<br>We took the whole system off line for ten seconds but it only recorded being off line for eight seconds."  
>"Fuck! Welch! What the fuck am I paying you for?"<br>Welch doesn't reply.  
>Then I turn my wrath on the kid next to me, and snarl "You're supposed to be my computer genius, got any suggestions, hot shot?"<p>

"I can restore security, boot them out but they will know and even worse, we won't be able to trace it back. "

"Can you do that? Trace it back?"  
>"Of course. The problem is I can't give you a time frame."<br>"Explain."  
>"If this was a simple trace, I could probably tell you in 24-48 hours, maybe less. This isn't a simple hack. We don't know what kind of booby traps they've laid. They have the capacity to suck every dime out of your company anytime they choose. It would take an awful lot of money and hardware not to mention brilliant people to take on your entire security system. Like Anonymous or the Feds. I don't see it and neither does Welch. We think whoever got in didn't hack his way in, someone gave him a key knowingly or unknowingly and told him what door to use. "<br>"Which means?" I ask, not liking where this conversation is going.  
>"Which means we can boot them out, take back the system, change the firewalls and then whoever let them in the first time, let's them in again. "<br>Ana, all I can think about is Ana. Her name is pounding in my brain, louder and louder.. I am overwhelmed by a feeling of incompetence. All I do is hurt her and draw her into danger. When she finds out what danger I have placed her and our unborn baby in she will hate me. Ana will hate me, the baby will hate me too. Think Grey! How do I keep Ana and the baby safe? You can do this. Focus. I close my eyes, pushing the pain down, shoving my emotions away and letting the cold analytical Christian Grey takeover. I welcome the cold calmness. I think of the incident last week. Suddenly, everything is crystal clear. Ana was the target. Ana is the target. If they had wanted me, they could have had me a dozen different times in the last five days. No, Ana is the target.  
>"Conclusions Welch?"<br>"If they wanted your money or your company they would already have it. I am afraid it's your wife. She is the primary target. "  
>I breathe a sigh of relief and chase cold Christian away. Welch will have a plan.<br>"Unfortunately, Mr Grey, I don't feel there is any way to keep her safe under the current circumstances."  
>I feel the blood drain from my face , "W-what are you saying?" I ask.<br>"Your wife needs to die."


	7. Chapter 7

I looked at Welch sitting next to me, I can tell from the glint in his eye he's looking forward to the boss's reaction, he's anticipating something. Welch is really good at digging up dirt. Technically and on paper he is my boss but everyone knows I only answer to Christian Grey.  
>Did Welch just say 'your wife needs to die' to the boss? Fuck, fuck ,fuck. I look up in the rear view mirror and see the bosses head sag and hear a tortured cry, I stare hard at Welch. He will fucking pay for that as I jump out of the car and shove Barney out of the rear seat and take his place.<br>"It's all right." I reassure him. "Ana is safe. We will keep her safe. Welch was trying to explain that if everyone thought she was dead, there would be no threat to her. She's not going to die. We will keep her safe. Christian?Fuck can you hear me?"  
>He lifts his head then and nods. Before I can finish letting out a sigh of relief he is grabbing for the gun in my shoulder holster. Under normal circumstances, Christian Grey is an extremely strong man but under these bizarre circumstances wrestling with him is like wrestling with ten men. If I thought he wanted to shoot Welch, I'd fucking give him the gun. I don't think Welch is his target. Knowing his self loathing, I am sure he is going to turn the gun on himself. We struggle. Elbows and fists fly. Blood spurts. He's got the fucking gun out! .Way. I head butt him with all my might and then slam my fist into his jaw as hard as I can. I need him out cold, whatever it takes. The shot to the jaw did it. He slumps sideways, unconscious. Carefully, I reholster my Glock, that was too fucking close.<br>I sit back, trying to catch my breath, looking daggers at Welch. I wipe the blood off my lip and know its time to break this party up.  
>I nod at the drivers seat. Welch gets out and walks around the car. He tells the kid to get in the front and drives back to the garage. I get the cells and wallets and call Sullivan. I get off the phone and Welch is twenty feet away in front of the elevator Welch looks at me with those cold, snake eyes. There's just a flicker of something else going on in them. He's a weird fucker but he's all I got. I start walking towards him. I pull my gun out and keep closing the distance between us. He stands there waiting, no sign of fear. I walk until I'm so close I can feel his breath on my face. "Fix it , Welch. I don 't care how. Just fucking fix it. I'll take care of him and his wife. You need to find out who 's pulling the strings. Then how to make it right. I don 't need to tell you what happens if it all goes to hell. I will find you. I know you like pain but you like giving it, don't you? Do you like getting it, Welch? I hope so because anything happens to either of them or Grey Enterprises I will teach more about pain than you ever wanted to know. You understand? Fix it! " I give him one hard shot to the gut and walk back to Christian. The next time I look, Welch and Barney have disappeared. It's been twenty minutes and the boss is still out cold. I carry him out of the car and prop him up against the wall in the corner. He looks fucking bad. The whole left side if his face is badly bruised and swollen. I think his nose is broken. Shit. I see Sullivan coming in the Audi. I pull out my phone and call Flynn. It's either that or his Mom and she doesn't need to see this. I think of Ana. Shit, what the hell are we going to do ?<br>I call Flynn. "I 'm sorry but we need an emergency appointment right now. Immediately. "  
>"My office?"<br>"Yeah, five minutes"  
>"Can you tell me..."<br>I hang up.  
>I then call Sawyer and tell him to bring Mrs Grey to Flynn's office now. I don't care if she's is in a fucking nightgown, put a robe on her and bring her. Gail too. Tell Mrs Grey that Aloysious Is coming to Escala. She'll come.<br>On the way to Flynn's, the boss starts coming around. I've reluctantly cuffed him. I don't think either one of us are up for another physical altercation. I know my adrenalin levels are going to crash soon and I don't trust the new guy. Hell, I don't trust anyone right now except Sawyer and Flynn.  
>We pull up in front of Flynn's. Sawyer and Mrs Grey are there already. I reach into the car and haul him out. I thought he was coming around but I guess not. I lean him up against the Audi and bend to throw him over my shoulder but he slams his forehead into mine and then knees me in the groin. I slide to the ground. He had a maniacal grin on his face as he starts kicking my ribs. I stumble to my feet. Fuck, he hits hard. Mrs Grey is screaming his name. Flynn comes running and manages to sink a hypodermic into his thigh. Sawyer has forcibly picked up Mrs Grey and carrying her into the office, Gail is walking beside them. Flynn and I carry Christian.<br>I don 't know how secure Flynn 's office is but it has to be more secure than mine.  
>Flynn looks horrified. He is usually so laid back, not today.<br>We have placed the boss on the couch. Sawyer and I take the the two seats near his desk. Mrs Grey is kneeling besides Christian whispering shit to him. Flynn finally gets a chance to sit after checking the boss over for injuries. My hands are starting to tremble. Flynn looks at each of us and says, " Mr Taylor, perhaps you should begin," he begins in a calm voice interrupted by Mrs Grey  
>"Yeah, Taylor, what the fuck happened to my husband and why is he in handcuffs?"<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

Taylor sighed, rubbed the back of his neck and began, "Welch held a surprise meeting this morning with Mr Grey, Barney and myself. Welch and Barney have been testing our security because of the I-5 incident.  
>To make a long story short, the security on everything in GEH, from emails and cell phones to bank accounts has been compromised. The extent of the breach is mind boggling. We are not sure of anything right now except that Mrs Grey was the target in the I-5 incident that led to Ryans death.<br>Mr Grey is concerned that he had placed Mrs Grey in danger once again and that he is incapable of protecting her. Whoever is behind this can see and hear us 24/7. They have the capacity to drain the bank accounts electronically. Knowing Mrs Grey is a target and knowing all of our security systems are now worthless, not to mention his problem with self loathing, he started having a panic attack. Then Welch suggested Mrs Grey must die and he just lost it. He went for my gun. We fought. Hard. I knew if he got his hands on the gun what would happen. He actually managed to get it out of my holster. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I had to hit him so hard but I had no choice. Then when he regained consciousness, he came after me again. He was already cuffed though so at least he couldn't grab anyone's weapon.  
>Taylor looked down at Mrs Grey, his eyes full of regret then looked at Flynn and continued. "Somehow, I need to come up with a believable reason to go out of town with Mrs Grey. I need to get her somewhere safe."<br>Ana stopped her eternal whispering into Grey's ear, "Taylor, do you honestly think I would leave him like this? I can't do that!"  
>Taylor looked down at his trembling hands and started to pant. He needed to walk and burn off this adrenaline. He tried to stand but his legs started trembling and wouldn't hold him. He collapsed back into the chair and buried his face in his hands in disgust and frustration.<br>Flynn came over and looked him over more closely.  
>"It's just adrenoline. It'll pass" Taylor muttered, embarrassed to be the center of the doctors attention.<br>"Want something to drink?" Flynn asked.  
>Taylor shook his head no, "Too nauseous yet," he explained. Flynn squeezed his shoulder.<br>Taylor's head jerked up. His eyes met Flynn 's.  
>Flynn noted the dilated pupils and the emotions warring in Taylor's eyes, anger, shame, guilt and self loathing. He might hide it well but this man might be almost as broken as Christian.<br>"Mr Sawyer, Ms Jones it's going to be a while before we can continue here. Let me introduce you both to my wife Rhiann who can offer you some refreshments."  
>Taylor closed his eyes as he heard Flynn leave and the door shut. Then there was an ungodly scream and he opened his eyes to see Ana standing over him, holding something up over her head and bringing it down hard.<br>Flynn had just introduced Rhiann and was returning to his office when heard the crash. He raced into his office to find Ana standing over Taylor repeatedly beating him with a framed print she had pulled off the wall. Taylor made no effort to defend himself, no effort to stop her. The glass in the frame had shattered all over Taylor's scalp and numerous small scalp wounds were bleeding freely.  
>"Ana!" Flynn bit out,"that will be enough!" He removed the frame from her hands and gently guided her to a recliner opposite the couch Christian was lying on. He looked at the three broken people and shook his head; when Taylor said he needed an emergency appointment, he wasn't kidding.<br>Sawyer stood in the doorway with Rhiann beside him and Gail peeking out from behind. Flynn strode over to his desk and reached into his bottom drawer where he kept a set of pre measured sedatives in syringes. Then he promptly injected 5mg of Valium into Ana and 20 mg of Valium into Taylor. Once Taylor was out and his head rolled to the side he nodded at Sawyer to help him move Taylor into the remaining recliner. Then Rhiann came over with the First Aid kit. She started to rip open some antiseptic pads but Flynn shook his head no. "I'll take care of them."  
>"I 'd like to help, sir." Sawyer offered.<br>Flynn smiled "Fine. You can have Taylor, I'll work on Mr. Grey."  
>"When will they wake up?"Sawyer asked.<br>Christian never stays under long. He'll start waking up in about a half an hour. I didn't give him a very big dose either.  
>"What about Ana? She's pregnant."<br>"A mild dose of Valium in the first trimester shouldn't be a problem. However, continually battling severe stress could bring on a spontaneous end to the pregnancy.  
>As for Mr Taylor, he's a soldier. He'll be fine. He just needs some rest. I wish I could throw all three of them in the hospital for 48 hours but we don't have that luxury."<br>"My phone is ringing off the hook. No one can reach Mr Grey or Taylor and they're starting to freak out "  
>Dr Flynn looked thoughtful. "What explanation have you provided?"<br>"That Mr Grey suffered a panic attack and wanted Taylor with him in his session with you."  
>"Who's been calling ?"<br>"Andrea, Ros and Welch. Welch wants to talk to Taylor. "  
>"Well, he is going to have to wait a bit. "Flynn replied softly.<p>


	9. Chapter 9

Christian came to first, just as I predicted. It took him a moment to figure out his arms were cuffed behind him and then began an almost endless string of profanity and threats. I ignored him. He swung his legs down and sat up and I could hear him mumbling about his fucking head. Finally, he looks over at me and demands furiously,"Get these fucking cuffs off of me!"

I put my pen down. "Hello, Christian,"  
>"John, what the fuck is going on?" He starts looking around my office and suddenly sees Ana and Taylor.<br>He keeps trying to stand without success. I walk over in front of him and say simply, "Sit."  
>"Ana!" He says desperately.<br>"She's fine, Christian. I gave her a mild sedative. What do you remember Christian?"  
>The expression on his face changed from fear to overwhelming grief. "Someone said Ana was dead. "<br>"And how did that make you feel?"  
>"I wanted to die too. I needed to die. I needed to die and be with her. I couldn't keep her safe. I tried and tried but I just couldn't keep her safe, just like the crack whore." and he breaks down sobbing.<br>"It wasn't your job to keep your mother safe, was it?" But he is not listening, he throws his head back and let's out a mournful cry.  
>"Christian, where is Anastasia ?"<br>He looks up at me in confusion, "She's dead, John, she's dead."  
>"Christian, who is that?"I ask, pointing at his sleeping wife.<p>

"Dead, John, she's dead. "  
>I take the handcuff key that Sawyer gave me and open the cuffs. He walks slowly over to his wife and kneels beside her. "I am so sorry, baby. Sorry I couldn't keep you safe. I am so sorry" He leans forward and kisses her on the lips, his fingers in her hair, his tears continually falling.<br>"Mmm, I love to wake up to your kisses, Mr Grey."  
>"Ana!" He looks at her in disbelief and then he looks at me joyfully, "John! Ana!"I shake my head from side to side and smile.<br>"Okay, Christian. Back to your seat. We're having an emergency session. "  
>"I am fine John. I have Ana. I don't need a session."<br>"Sit, Christian" he sits from sheet force of habit, from too many years of listening to me and following my instructions.  
>"Christian, tell us what you did when you thought Ana was dead. "<br>I can tell the minute he remembers by the look of horror that crosses his face. Slowly he turns and looks at Taylor.  
>"D-Did I do that to him?" He asks, the self-loathing creeping into his voice.<br>"Your wife helped. " I reply calmly.  
>"Oh my god," he buries his face in his hands, disgusted with himself once again.<br>"Go look in a mirror, Christian. Go look and see what he did to you. Your beautiful nose is broken. Your face, oh honey it must hurt so bad. And then to have you in handcuffs right out in front of everyone."  
>"What did you do sweetheart?"<br>Proudly, Ana describes how she took the heavy print with a glass frame down off the wall and just kept smashing it down on Taylor.  
>"Oh, shit, oh, honey, I really wish you hadn't done that. See, honey I-I " he pauses unsure how to explain. He looks at me but I simply instruct him to continue. He hangs his head in defeat and mumbles, "I thought you were dead. I couldn't cope with that so when Taylor came back to try and explain what had happened, I, uh, I tried to get his gun. I didn't want to live if you were dead. We fought for the gun. I remember thinking I won, I remember pulling it out of the holster and Taylor, he went crazy. I kept squeezing the trigger but nothing happened. Somehow, he knocked me out. The next thing I knew I was handcuffed and laying in the back seat. I pretended I was still out and when he bent to carry me over his shoulder, I knee'd him in the balls and head butted him. He sank to the ground and I just kept kicking his ribs, his face whatever I could reach."<br>"Why Christian?" I ask.  
>"Because I thought Ana was dead and he wouldn't let be be with her. I was angry, very angry. I was out of control."<br>"That is why I had to sedate you. Do you remember meeting with Mr Welch?" I ask and then watch the emotions trail across his face. Suddenly confused and emotional Christian is gone. Cold, analytical Christian has arrived; when Christian is in this mood he is at his most brilliant and most dangerous.  
>He looks at Ana to explain. "Someone has taken over every aspect of my business. They are hiding inside, like a Trojan horse, just waiting for the right moment to see me lose everything. They want you dead. They want me dead. They want everything. "<br>"Okay. I can see you remember, Christian. Let's pause for a minute. I want to get Sawyer and Gail in here and I want to see if we can rouse Taylor. "  
>Fifteen minutes later we were all gathered again in my office.<br>"Christian, do you want to start?" I can see he is anxious to speak and I want to be observing everyone's reactions.  
>Christian thanks everyone present for their patience and loyalty and states it has never been needed more. He slowly and deliberately makes eye contact with everyone in the room, saving Taylor for last. He feigns shock when he sees him and with the tiniest smile which curiously does reach his eyes he announces, "I'd ask what happened but I don 't want to embarrass you. "Taylor shakes his head and grins.<br>Christian continues, "Our number one problem today is my wife's safety. I have some initial plans made but I need a destination. And I have not been able to think of one. Suggestions?"  
>The room is deathly quiet. Finally, Taylor speaks up.<br>"I know someone. He's completely off the grid so it's not going to be like staying in Escala. I know he could help us a lot. He has a lot of contacts."  
>"What's his name?" Christian asks.<br>Taylor ignores Christian and presses forward. He is a retired sniper. His wife is retired from the FBI.

"She's a psychic too. No one gets near them unless their invited and I know how to ask for an invitation."  
>"The name, Taylor. " Christian demands again while worrying his finger through his hair. Taylor looks down at his fingernails and doesn't answer. Christian stares hard at Taylor.<br>"You're talking about the grave-digger, aren't you?"  
>"That is not the name I use."<br>"Semantics. My wife is not staying with a hit man."  
>"Retired hit man," he corrects.<br>"No!" Christian thunders.  
>"He owes me a favor. I know him a long time. I trust him. He could probably find a lot more about what is going on than we can."<br>"What part of no don't you understand Taylor? My wife, my pregnant wife is not going camping with one of the world's most notorious hit men."  
>Then Ana interrupts,"Christian you have some other safe place for me? Don't I get a say? It's my life on the line. If Taylor trusts him, so do I."<br>"Sir?"Taylor asks, "Have you given any thought as to why I would go off with your wife and disappear? No one is going to buy a relationship between your wife and myself, especially your mother."  
>"You think? What if we involve the playroom ?"<br>I watch as Taylor almost jumps out of his chair and says, "No! She's pregnant!"  
>I think Taylor just made a mistake. A bad mistake. I watch Christian stare hard at Taylor, his nostrils flared. Everyone in the room has become uncomfortable. Ana is watching the reactions of both men but strangely quiet.<br>Out of nowhere, Gail speaks up.  
>"If Mr Grey caught Ana kidding around with<br>Taylor, it could easily precipitate an argument.  
>If he stormed out and then returned and found her being held comforted in Taylor's arm..."<br>"I would fucking kill him." Christian glares at Taylor.  
>"Christian!" Ana hisses. "This is all pretend, remember? Stop looking at Taylor like that!""<br>I am suddenly very uneasy. If Christian's jealousy is this intense, the potential for dangerous complications may be too high to risk. I gaze at Taylor. He had always been very careful of what emotions he allows others to see. I wish I knew why he feels the need for such iron controls. I return my attention to the conversation at hand.  
>Taylor is speaking and his tone is glacial. "You can not take her to the playroom. There's probably cameras and audio in there now. Anything you do in the play room will have to be real. If I agreed to take her punishment - "<br>"No!" Ana shouts. "You can't do that, Christian." She pleads.  
>I want to agree with her. This is a very unhealthy scenario. Taylor is pushing. Christian is letting him. Something tells me Taylor is more familiar with the BDSM scene then I was aware. The conversation drags on as each little detail gets defined. I make arrangements to borrow a friends R V. and park it near the ER. Christian says he will goad Taylor into accepting Ana's punishment. He wants Sawyer to break down the door after two hours.<br>I am horrified. I think it's far too long. Christian says no. Punishment sessions are always conducted slowly so that the sub has time to consider the outcome. The physical punishment is usually brief."  
>Taylor snorts. Ana is non-committal but doesn't seem horrified.<br>I decide to speak with both with Taylor and Christian privately.  
>The planning is all complete. As everyone arises and heads for the door, I ask Christian and Taylor to remain.<br>They return to their seats somewhat reluctantly. I am not a BDSM expert, but I have studied it.  
>"Christian, " I begin, "I didn't hear you mention a safe word."<br>"It is a punishment fuck, John. There will be no safe word."  
>I look at Taylor. He says nothing and his face is devoid of all emotion.<br>I am appalled. "Are you going to fuck him in front of your wife?"  
>"If the cameras and audio are rolling, everything will have to be real. I can blindfold Ana and restrain her but she will need to react in the beginning. Then I will put a headset on with white noise so she can 't hear.<br>When it is over, he will require medical attention. Sawyer will call you and you will come with that private ambulance you use. Sawyer is going to have to go with them and drive. He'll need to attend to Taylor as well. "  
>"I don 't need Sawyer. I'll be able to drive."<br>"It will be a fucking miracle if you can walk, don't even think about driving."  
>"If I take Sawyer, how are you going to get there ?"<br>"I may hold off on that."  
>"NO!" Taylor storms. "You can't change everything at the last minute."<br>"I'm not changing everything, Taylor. Just making a few adjustments. I am quite sure that anyone who knows me, knows I will not let my wife run off with two men, no matter how provoking my behavior may have been.  
>We'll use the code you spoke of, list it under Personals. "<br>"Your family, sir. They will believe it. "  
>"Hopefully. If they will believe it, they will be safe. There is no other way to keep them safe."<p>

"Your mother, sir - "

"I will be dead to my mother. The family will disown me but they will be safe. In the long run, their safety and the safety of Anastasia are all that matters."  
>I sit quietly behind my desk, deeply troubled, unable to think of a better solution. For the first time since meeting Christian Grey and taking on his care, I feel I have failed him, failed him in every way.<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

Ana laid quietly beside Christian, wrapped in his arms, soaking up the afterglow of his lovemaking. "Don't be afraid," he whispered, "It will all work out. Trust me."  
>"I know." She whispered as she pulled his face down, hoping to drown in their kiss and forget everything else that was about to happen. "I don't think I can eat" she whispered into his chest.<br>He opened his eyes and said sadly, "For once I am inclined to agree " he looked at the clock on the nightstand. It read 4:45 pm. He sighed and announced "I need a shower and to check in with Ros."  
>"What time do you want Gail to have dinner ready?"<br>"How about 5:30?"  
>"Okay I'll let her know."<br>At 5:20 Ana sat down to the table. She was wearing the pale blue shirt and jeans Taylor bought her from the night Christian rescued her at the bar.  
>Gail asked if she would like a glass of white wine.<br>"Please," Ana replied.  
>At 5:30, Christian and Taylor emerged from the study. Christian headed for Ana but was still engaged in conversation with Taylor. Christian bent down and kissed her cheek and slid into a chair beside her.<br>"Good evening, Mrs Grey. May I say you look especially lovely tonight."  
>"You may. After all, this is a Taylor made outfit. This shirt is one of my favorites. You really outdid yourself that day Taylor. Your other purchases fit even better. "<br>"What other purchases?" Christian growled.  
>Ana looked at Christian, replied casually, "You know the blue lace bra and matching panties you said were so sexy? Thank Taylor. "<br>Christian is looking furious. "Ana go and change immediately. Give the clothes to Mrs Jones and she will discard them."  
>Then he turned to Taylor. "I believe I asked you to replace her jeans, her sneakers and her socks. I never authorized you to buy her intimate apparel. "<br>Before Taylor can answer, Ana interrupts. "Don't be ridiculous, Christian. I like this outfit. It's one of my favorites. I'm not throwing it out just because you're insecure."  
>Christian turned his cold grey eyes onto his wife. In his most menacing tone of voice he ordered, "Get out of those fucking clothes now or would you rather I drag you to the playroom and rip them off?"<br>"I am not taking these clothes off and you are certainly not taking me to your playroom."  
>"Make me drag you to the playroom and I can promise you will not be able to sit for a week."<br>"Sir, " Taylor started  
>"Shut the fuck up!" Christian thundered.<br>"Anastasia?"  
>"I am not taking these clothes off. "<br>"Mrs Jones. We will not be having dinner tonight. Please turn everything off and return to your quarters. You too, Taylor. "  
>" Sir, I know you have had an exceptionally difficult day but may I remind you your wife is pregnant."<br>"Go Taylor. "  
>"No. What are you going to do, threaten me with your playroom?"<br>"You're fired, Taylor. Leave."  
>"I'm calling Flynn! You've lost your mind!"Ana screams pulling out her blackberry. Christian knocks it out if her hand.<br>Taylor pulls out his phone and announces he will call Flynn.  
>In a deathly evil voice, "Do not interfere or I will punish her even more severely than I plan to."<br>"Not while I'm here. "  
>"There will be other times when you're not."<br>Then he turned to Anastasia and ordered, "Go upstairs and wait for me in the playroom. "  
>"No." She said stubbornly.<br>"Fine. You want it rough, we can do it rough. I will punish you tonight and it won't be with any of the toys you like. Do you want to feel my belt again Ana?"  
>Forgetting about Taylor for a moment , Christian bends down to Ana's face , "I promise you, you are going to feel my belt tonight. I am going to beat you until you bleed, that is, unless you want to take her punishment Taylor?"<br>"She's not your sub!"  
>"Are you offering Taylor? I haven't had a male sub for a very long time."<br>"Scared a real man might beat your ass?"  
>"Enough!" bellowed Christian. "This ends now."he grabbed Ana's arm and hauled her to his side.<br>"All right. I'll do it" Taylor conceded.


	11. Chapter 11

The three walked up the stairs slowly.  
>Christian felt like like one of those steel balls in an old pinball machine, just bouncing and ricocheting all over the place. Only one thought went through his mind and that was to get Anastasia to safety. He knew Taylor felt the same way. What Christian couldn't understand was how little he was acting. The anger, the jealousy was real. The desire to punish Taylor was also real. What was surprising him the most was how much he was looking forward to being a dom again. The need to send someone to their knees was overwhelming. As soon as he unlocked the door and walked inside he felt the dom surge inside of him, stronger and more powerful than ever before. A small part of him wished he had never agreed to the playroom scenario, but now it was too late. With cameras and audio everywhere, this was Ana's only chance to escape. He bowed his head, so be it.<br>Once inside he quickly cuffed Taylor to the wooden cross and then blindfolded him. Then he turned to his wife who was simply standing there, still dressed. The Dom inside him went wild.  
>"Anastasia."<br>She turned her head and looked at him and for the first of many times that night tasted fear. Christian was gone. This was not Christian in Dom mode, this was a total fucking stranger.  
>"I see you need a reminder in how to behave in this room."<br>"You can't punish her sir."  
>"This is my fucking playroom and I can do anything I like. Now shut up, your turn will come. "<br>There was no clock in the playroom. Ana tried to imagine what time it was. Surely they had been here almost two hours. She was cuffed spread eagle on the four poster bed, blind folded and a headset that was blasting white noise. She had no idea what was happening to Taylor and that was just a little bit scary. It was odd to not feel Christian, not to smell him, not to hear him and then out of nowhere, he would jump on top of her and fuck her like his life depended on it. She was sure he had been crying the last time. She had tasted his tears.

The dom didn't begin his retreat until Taylor's back and buttocks were a bloody mess. As the red haze started to retreat from his mind he heard the banging at the door. He stared in horror at the damage he had inflicted and then heard Taylor demanding more. More? More!What was he, a fucking masochist? Of course. Why didn't he catch that earlier? Fuck, I could have killed him. He grabbed Taylor's head, and saw the sad grin, "You stupid fuck! Are you crazy?"  
>"Sir, please, more. "<br>"Shut up,Taylor. "  
>He crossed to his wife and quickly undid the restraints as a feeling of panic started to grow inside him. This room, it had always represented control but there was no more control. He looked down at Ana, tossed her a blanket and ordered her not to remove the blindfold. Then he went back to Taylor. In the background, he could hear a relentless pounding on the door. A battering ram? Fuck, where did Sawyer get that. He undid Taylor's restraints with trembling hands and eased his body to the floor. Taylor gave one last moan and then lost conscious. Christian put his hands up over his ears and found himself collapsing to the floor beside Taylor and started to rock.<br>Outside Flynn and Sawyer finally felt the door start to splinter and with one more panicked slam the door crashed open.  
>Ana heard the door crash open and sat up, clutching the blanket to cover her nakedness. She pulled off the blindfold and saw the horrified expressions on Sawyer and Flynn. She followed their eyes down and let out a series if screams. Flynn said nothing as he pressed the hypodermic into her flesh.<br>He bent over Christian and sedated him quickly.  
>Sawyer had wanted to cover Taylor's body but Flynn said not yet. He grabbed the jar of anica cream from the bedside drawer. It was right where Christian said he would leave it. The ambulance crew arrived and Flynn directed them to take Taylor and Ana. Christian could wait for a second ambulance.<br>At the hospital, Taylor was rolled through the front door and out the back door to the waiting RV. Ana was already inside laying on a small mattress still sedated. Finally, Flynn and Sawyer carried in Christian.  
>"Cuff him quickly Sawyer, he's starting to come around."<br>Sawyer snapped the cuffs on tight, deliberately. Flynn shook his head sadly, so much pain. "Let's go, Sawyer. "  
>"You coming?" Asked Sawyer, his surprise evident.<br>Flynn nodded. "Only a monster could leave them like this."


	12. Chapter 12

Sawyer drove all night. Taylor had told him to head for the Salmon River and the mountains of central Idaho. That was before. Taylor wasn't saying much now. As a matter of fact no one had much to say but maybe after some decent rest and food things would change. Salmon would be coming up in less than an hour. There was an RV campground nearby and Sawyer planned to head there. If nothing else he needed to rest.  
>John Flynn sat up late into the night running a IV bag of fluids and antibiotics into a silent and sedated Taylor, trying to come up with 3 different treatment plans. Flynn decided to try and focus on Ana first. She hadn't slept and hadn't spoken. He needed to stop her withdrawal. Flynn knew if he couldn't get her to support Christian's recovery, neither one would heal.<p>

It was just after dawn. Sawyer had pulled into an RV campground and then laid down on narrow bed and quickly fell asleep. Ana stared out the window, quietly watching the sun rise through the trees as everything around her came into focus as the suns power brought light everywhere, everywhere but inside her husband's soul. Tears fell silently as she stared into nothingness. It was all her fault. Poor Christian. He would have been better off if they had never met. She must have zoned out because the next thing she knew, Flynn was leading her outside to an old picnic table and placing a styrofoam cup of tea in her hand.  
>She sat silently, one hand resting on her flat stomach, thoughts of the baby trying to surface but Ana refusing to go there, tamping them down easily and sipped her tea mindlessly. She looked down into the amber liquid concentrating on the swirls created by swishing the cup. She felt fine, empty perhaps, but fine for all of that.<br>Flynn sipped his tea, saying nothing. The silence stretched out. Ana thought of Christian, her last glance at his face, the self hatred, the guilt and the regret and she wondered for the hundredth time, how could such a thing happen? Finally, she looked over at Flynn and asked "Why? How? I don't understand. "  
>"It was a perfect storm, Ana. Both Christian and Taylor were still reacting to the events of yesterday morning. Christian was on the verge of losing everything he has ever worked for, including you. Events were forcing him to lose control. To compensate for the lack of control, his dom made an appearance. "<br>"But Flynn, it wasn't Christian. I've been with him in the playroom before and he was never like that, so cold and cruel. Is he like Sybil?"  
>"No, no it's nothing like that. How can I explain? We are all made up of dozens of different personalities. Somehow our brain blends them together in a unique recipe giving us what we need to be successful in life. So a young mother is going to be far more patient and nurturing than a cut throat business man. Christian wouldn't be the decisive, successful business man he is if he didn't have a cold, cruel hungry wolf ready to mark his territory. What happened yesterday would never ordinarily happen." He looked away then guiltily, before continuing, "I knew there was a strange undercurrent between them. It was strong. It made me uneasy but I thought is was just fear, underlying tension, leftover stress from their confrontation.<br>"Christian said he's a masochist." Ana blurted.  
>"Perhaps. Perhaps that just what he wanted Christian to think."<br>"But how could Christian do that to him? How could he hurt him like that?"  
>"It was never about pain, for either of them. Behavior like that is almost always about control. Christian was losing control over everything in his life. Taylor sensed a way to control your husband by constantly stirring his jealousy. Why he felt the need to that I don't know."<br>Inside the RV, Christian looked around and sat up. Fuck, his hands were cuffed again! In front this time, still if that motherfucking Taylor cuffed him again ...He looked around slowly wondering where the fuck he was. Finally, he stood up. The room swayed or was that him? Judging by how badly he needed to piss, he 'd been out for hours. His head was pounding with each step he took and his mouth was as dry as cotton. He looked around again and headed to the small hallway, found the bathroom and allowed himself the small pleasure of emptying his bladder. He saw the door in the back and opened it. Taylor was laying alone on the double bed, awake, staring up at the ceiling. He turned his head and looked at Christian silently, his hooded eyes revealing little.  
>Christian gasped in agony as all his memories from last night returned. His legs buckled as he fell to the floor. He wanted to die, to hide, to never see another soul. Pain racked his body as video clips from the evening before played in his mind over and over. He curled up in a ball and tried to tell Taylor he was sorry. He tried, but he had no words. They were all gone. He opened his mouth but nothing came out.<br>It was all so useless. He was useless. Vaguely he was aware someone was talking to him. He ignored it. Then he felt his head yanked up and when he opened his eyes it was to see Taylor's brown eyes looking down on him with kindness. Shit, that can't be right. He listened then and heard Taylor's voice.  
>"It's not your fault, Christian. This is my screw up. Mine. Nobody else. The last time I did this I got fired, so I'll understand if you need to do that. I'm sure I look a lot worse than I really am so cut yourself some slack."<br>I found myself on my knees, kneeling beside the bed, my elbows resting lightly on the mattress, my hands in front of me. Taylor have me one of those crooked little smiles and reached up and tousled my hair.  
>I wanted to talk, I wanted to say so many things but I had no words. My mouth opened and closed and nothing came out.<br>"It's okay. You don't need to say anything. If you really want to be a pal, help me to the bathroom."  
>I helped him to his feet with trembling hands. I am a fucking mess. He seems determined to not let me know how much pain he is in until his feet touch the floor and he swears long and hard.<br>"Christ! Why do you doms always have to go for the fucking feet. Motherfuckers! I offer up my ass, my back, my fucking everything but you guys always remember to get the bottom of my feet. "  
>"Hard limit for you?" I joke and suddenly realize my words are back!<br>Flynn must have seen us walk past the window because suddenly he is there. I say nothing. Taylor and I share a look, we're both scared. I refuse to turn around and face Flynn. I concentrate on Taylor and easing him down to the mattress with as little pain as possible. Without thinking I decide to take control. "It would be helpful if I didn't have these handcuffs on, Flynn It's hard to support his weight like this."  
>There was a long pause and then Flynn answered, "Perhaps you shouldn't be the one helping him. "<br>I felt my heart sink to my toes and then Taylor spoke up. "That's bullshit Flynn and you know it  
>He may be a little fucked up but that's normal for him. He's the only one here who's seen this shit before and it isn't going to traumatize him. Take the cuffs off and cut him some slack. "<br>"He 's a psychiatrist Taylor. All he thinks about are therapy sessions and treatment plans. "  
>"Fuck that Flynn. We have work to do. We are not doing any therapy shit. "<br>Flynn is silent, his slightly head tilted to one side as he considers what we have said. He turns and leaves the doorway. Taylor lets out a big breath and I see the sweat on his forehead. He hold up his palm and says weakly, "high five!" I grin and slap my palm to his.  
>"Celebrating gentlemen?" I hear fucking Flynn from the doorway. He comes over to me and pauses before unlocking the cuffs, catching my eyes and holding them, "Don't make me regret this, Christian. Now, one small favor, please get dressed." "Okay, Taylor, let's take your temperature. I will attend to you as soon as Christian is able to cover his nakedness and return to the lounge."<br>I know that look in Flynn's eyes. He's got something planned but he wants to make me think he's not orchestrating it. I look down the hall and understanding and fear settle in. I look at Flynn and let him know I am on to him.  
>"I can take care of Taylor."<br>"No. I will take care of Taylor. Your wife needs you, Christian and you need your wife."  
>" I can't, what would I say?"<br>"Tell her the truth."  
>"Tell her I'm a monster?"<br>"Let me get dressed and talk to her." Taylor says.  
>"What can you possibly say that can make her understand ?"<br>"I can explain how I was topping from the bottom the whole damn day. I pushed every button you've got and then some. You know as well as I do that if I'd had a safe word, I wouldn't have used it. You're not the monster, Christian. I am. "  
>Flynn rolls his eyes. "Christian get dressed." He orders. "Let me check Taylor's injuries and then you can help him dress. I'll speak with Ana first and then you two can have your chance. "<br>"Flynn, we need to move a little faster. I think we're going to have company soon "  
>"Who? That fucking hit man?"Christian asks.<br>"My friend." Taylor answered


	13. Chapter 13

Christian got dressed and reluctantly started walking into the lounge. Sawyer was sleeping in the pull out but Ana was nowhere to be seen. Disappointed yet relieved at the same time Christian casually glanced outside and saw her talking to a woman. He raced back to Flynn.  
>"John! You need to go outside. There's some woman talking to Ana."<br>"She's here," Taylor smiled.  
>"Who's here?" demanded Christian.<br>"My friend," Taylor said simply. He was wearing a button down shirt two sizes too big that hung loosely on him and sweats, white cotton socks and sneakers.  
>"Come on," he urged, "or she'll be in here nosing around. "<br>Declining everyone's help, Taylor gingerly made his way out the door of the RV and down the steps. He took a step towards her and then stopped. "Ah fuck, she knows!" He swore under his breath and with a heavy sigh slowly continued to where the petite brunette sat with Ana.  
>"Hey, sweetheart, " he smiled down at her.<br>"Don't you sweetheart me, you dumb shit." She stood up then and yelled at him, "You scared me! I was worried. I was going to make Jack take me to Seattle. How could you? You promised! It cost you your marriage, it cost you your career, it 'll cost you your life one day. Then she reached under her jacket and pulled out a Beretta. Here, what are you waiting for? You want to die, go ahead. Do it!"she screamed, shoving the gun at him.  
>Flynn grabbed hard on Christian's arm, gasping at the possible outcome.<br>"I'm sorry, sweetheart, I'm so sorry." Taylor whispered softly reaching out for and taking her ever so gently into his arms. He just stood there holding her while she alternately sobbed and berated him.  
>Whoever she was, she knows Taylor better than we do' Flynn thought.<br>"You're sorry? Is that supposed to help? What about them?" she said, nodding at Ana and Christian. "You've torn their lives apart and now you think a simply apology is going to fix everything? You say I'm sorry and I'm supposed to forget every thought I heard? Did you forget that part, reaching out to me? You said you gave it up! You swore! T, how could you? It's always the same! I am so mad at you!" She broke the embrace and stepped away.  
>Taylor stood silently, massaging the back of his neck. Then he tried to explain again.<br>"Honey, please. It's not what you think. This was really a kind of fluke incident."  
>"She's got a name T. Use it. Call her honey or sweetheart one more time and I swear I'll personally put you out of your fucking misery."<br>Taylor looked to the side to see the tall dark-haired man appear from out of the woods and walk over to the woman and possessively wrap his arms around her, kissing the top of her head.  
>"Jack, good to see you. I wondered where you were. We really need your help. "Taylor greeted.<br>The woman snorted, "You don't need Jack's help, you need his help," nodding towards Flynn.  
>Jack came over and hugged Taylor hard, "You never fucking learn do you?"<br>Taylor grimaced at the contact and the words and replied wryly, "I guess not."  
>"Your brains must be leaking because she picked up on everything. You didn't even try to filter. Kimmy was so pissed. She wanted me to take her to Seattle, alright, but it was to shoot you!" And Jack started laughing.<br>Taylor grinned and looked at his friend,"Oh, Kim-Kim, you asked Jack to shoot me?" He said in soft exaggerated wounded tones of disbelief.

The woman had the grace to look a little embarrassed and both men laughed.  
>"Let me introduce you guys," Said Taylor and starting with Christian, he introduced each of his friends to Jack and Kim.<br>After introductions, the outgoing Kim grabbed Ana by the arm, They're all hungry. You need food. Let's go grocery shopping. "  
>"Wake up Sawyer and have him drive you." Instructed Christian.<br>Kim grabbed Ana and started heading to the Kim waved an hand in the air dismissing him. Ana frowned. "Never mind him, " Kim told Ana, "You're safe with me. Come on."  
>A short walk into the woods led them to a small trail that led back to the office for the Campground.<br>The manager greeted Kim warmly, "Kim. I see you found your friends. "  
>"Yes, I did. Thanks Hank."<br>Then she climbed up into a big black Ford F150 pick up truck. Ana got in on the other side. Once on the road, Kim turned the radio on and Country Western twang started blasting.  
>Ana moved .in her seat, trying to get comfortable but the music was just too irritating.<br>"Hey, you should have said something" Kim said in surprise. Then she reached for the radio and turned it off. "I'm sorry. Don't be afraid to tell if I do something that bothers you. Or the little guy. "  
>"Little guy?" Ana asked.<br>"Yeah, your baby. Little Theodore."  
>Ana shrank away from Kim. "How do you know that?" She whispered, both hands clutching her stomach.<br>"Didn't T, no, I guess he didn't tell you. Even if he had, you probably wouldn't have heard him. It 's okay. Let me explain" she said gently.  
>"I have always had these extraordinary gifts. I sense things, there is no other way to describe it. I can sense danger, evil, upcoming deaths even the damn weather. I can sense goodness too. These things are black and white to me. I know when not turn down an alley, when I will need my gun and when I won't. I know when the phone rings who's calling, maybe not always but a lot."<br>"How do you know Taylor?" Ana asked curiously.  
>The bubbly effervescence that reminded Ana so much of her sister-in-law Mia suddenly disappeared. "Only Taylor can talk about Taylor. I can't tell you his secrets." She answered softly. "I have known T for a long time. He was my anchor. We'd do anything for him. He saved me so many times until I found Jack. He has never come to us for help before, ever. When T asks for help, you know it's bad. Not to mention Jack owes him a favor big time that he would really like to square the books on. T would much rather have Jack in his debt.<br>The petite brunette giggled giving her a head a shake as she parked the truck outside Walmart, "Men," she snorted dismissively, "they 're so predictable. "  
>Ana and Kim returned an hour later. Kim pulled the big black truck up to the campsite so the guys could unload the groceries. When Ana climbed down, Jack jumped in and took her place and the truck too off.<p>


	14. Chapter 14

A depressed Christian sat quietly in the kitchen area talking to Flynn.  
>"I've made lots of mistakes in my life, Flynn, but this-this is just so stupid. I know better. Why didn't anyone say anything? All the money I pay staff and it takes a fucking hit man fifteen minutes to figure it out ? Ros should have known. I am pissed with her, too. As far as Taiwan goes, when this is over, I am firing everyone over there. It burns me up that simply letting a woman close a big deal could have been the catalyst that started this huge cluster fuck.<br>"Your wife had just been kidnapped. She was laying in a hospital bed unconscious."  
>Christian didn't answer. His eyes on his wife sitting outside.<br>"So how are things with Ana?" Flynn asked  
>Christian looked away then, tempted to tell Flynn off, maybe even fire him. He felt a stronge urge to fire someone, to feel the power and righteousness of being the top dog, the head honcho, of being in control, but he wasn't in control, not in his life, not his business and certainly not his marriage. He looked back over at Flynn who was waiting patiently for an answer and shrugged his shoulders.<br>Both men looked out the kitchen window that bordered the table they were sitting at. Ana sat alone outside, her posture stiff and rigid, her hands gripping the arms of the chair too hard to be natural.  
>"She's hurting, Flynn. She's hurting and I don't know what to do to make it right. Can't you help her, she shouldn't hurt like that. It's not her fault."<br>Flynn leaned forward and said softly, "It's not a question of fault. We have been over this before Christian. "  
>"I wish that I had never met her. I wish that I had never fallen in love. "<br>"Why?"  
>"If I never met her, she 'd be happy. If I had never met her, I wouldn't have fallen in love. I wouldn't hurt, she wouldn't hurt. I would have closed the Taiwan shipyard deal. We wouldn't be sitting here. "<br>"Aren't you forgetting about something?" Flynn asked as he sipped his tea. Christian looked at him blankly. Flynn smiled. "The baby," Flynn replied gently.  
>Christian hung his head in despair. "It's such a mess. We're such a mess. I don't know what to do? She doesn't need me. I'll just screw the baby's life up."<br>"I think you would make a wonderful father. You're a very caring person and you have a good role model. I want you to to consider something, Christian. If Kim and Jack offer to take Ana in while all this is -"  
>"No. Ana stays here with me."<br>"Some time apart could be very helpful. "  
>"A vacation with a hit man and his wife ? Never!" And he shoved himself away from the table angrily.<br>Flynn watched him climb up into the loft thoughtfully.  
>Sawyer knocked and came in then. "I just need another cup if coffee. Am I interrupting anything ?"<br>"No, Luke, you're fine."  
>"Good," Luke grinned. "Then I'll grab another sandwich."<br>Flynn looked through his notes and stared at the bedrooms closed door and thought about Taylor. Laying down in the dark, dwelling on past events would only make things worse.  
>Flynn made a fresh cup of tea and walked to the back. He tapped lightly on the door and heard Taylor answer "What!"<br>"It's just me, Taylor. Or would you rather I call you Jason?"  
>"I 'm good with Taylor." He answered. He was laying on his stomach, his face turned away, His head resting on a scrunched up pillow.<br>"Have you slept?" Flynn asked.  
>"It's what three o'clock in the afternoon, Flynn? I'm not a little kid or an old man. I don't take afternoon naps."<br>"So if you 're not tired, why are you laying in here in the dark?"  
>Taylor felt a frisson of anger at the doctor's words. He felt the blood start to pound in his head and promised himself he would not allow Flynn to jerk him around. He stubbornly refused to rise to the bait. He clutched the pillow a little harder and focused on easing his breathing. He would not allow Flynn to piss him off.<br>Flynn watched, saddened by the defensive reaction.  
>"How is your pain?"he asked, hoping to draw Taylor out, but Taylor just grunted, "Fine."<br>Deciding on a new tactic, "Do you think your friends might let Ana stay with them for a few days?"  
>"Why?"<br>"Because she needs some separation. She's been under a lot of stress. She's pregnant and she's overemotional due to hormones. The first trimester runs the highest risk of miscarriage. Every time she sees either you or Christian, it all comes back to her and she blames herself."  
>"That's stupid. It wasn't her fault "<br>"Taylor, it wasn't her fault. It wasn't your fault and it wasn't Christian's fault. Sometimes things happen and you have to just deal with it.  
>The three of you are all focused on accepting guilt. It doesn't matter. In the long run you each have to decide what you need to do to move on."<br>"How about I die? That would solve everything."  
>"Do you find the thought of death as attractive as the thought of pain ?"<br>Taylor stayed silent. Then ignoring Flynn's comment about pain he asked, "Are you really worried about Ana and the baby or is that some psycho babble bullshit?  
>Flynn laughed at the colorful term. "Psycho babble bullshit ? I like that Taylor. As far as Ana goes, it's hard to know but if a woman's body decides it is unsafe to proceed, it will terminate the pregnancy. With all the stress she's under, she is certainly high risk.<br>Taylor sank into his pillow saying nothing.  
>"So tell me Taylor, tell me about your relationship with Kim."<br>'Fuck.' thought Taylor. He wants to go there? No , no, no. It's not happening. '  
>Taylor grabbed his head and muttered as he felt a stress headache beginning. "Look, I got a headache, man. Maybe we can talk later. "<br>"Can I get you some Tylenol ?"  
>"No, I'm good."<br>"I don't think I understand. The headache hurts but you don't want to even take a couple of Tylenol tablets?"  
>"I don't need it, Flynn"<br>"Do you enjoy the pain Taylor?"  
>Flynn watched as Taylor controlled himself. His fists slowly unclenched, his breathing slowed down then his fists clenched again and he shouted, "No! Ah, Christ, Flynn. You're a pain in the ass."<br>"What's wrong?"  
>" Kim is coming back. Jack isn't home, he doesn't want her to come here without him. They're fighting and it's my fault. "<br>"We need to do something about you and those three words."  
>"Just promise you won't leave me alone with her. Jack is insanely jealous. Let me try and get up. We can sit in the lounge -"<br>Both men heard the front door slam and Kim stormed into the bedroom.  
>She looked at Flynn,"Out!" She demanded, when he didn't move, she screamed it even louder. Then she slipped out of her jacket held up a beretta and screamed, "Out!" again. This time Flynn moved. She took her holster off and started unbuttoning her blouse.<br>"So you want to die ?" She asked, "Well when Jack gets here and see us in bed together you will get your wish."  
>"Kim, Kim, honey, what are you doing ? Don't do this Kim! Kim, damn it leave that on, are you crazy? He'll shoot both of us!"<br>" I thought you wanted to die? Do you want to live or do you want to die? He will shoot you, I won't be able to stop him. You never answered Flynn. Which is it, pain or dying ?"  
>"Leave it,Kim. Get your shirt back before he gets here. "<br>"Flynn!" She called and he was there immediately.  
>"T, you answer Flynn's question now or I 'm taking off my pants."<br>"Jesus, Kim! What's wrong with you?"  
>"The truth,T. I 'll know if you're lying. Tell him, pain or dying?"<br>Taylor closed his eyes as he felt waves of shame wash over him and said barely loud enough to hear," Pain. There, satisfied? Could you please get dressed now ?"  
>No one spoke and the room had become eerily quiet. Taylor was about to turn his head to see if Kim had gotten her shirt back on when he felt the cold barrel of a gun dig into his neck.<br>"Uh,Jack,? h-hi," he managed.  
>"I hear you want to die."<br>"No, Jack. He's decided he likes pain better. " Kim sniped.  
>"I can work with that. We can make it a very slow painful death"<br>"Jack, come on, you know I'd never touch Kim."  
>"I thought I knew you but the jarhead I knew would never be a pussy and try to take the easy way out when things get rough. What happened to you? Answer me T"<br>"Jack, please, please let me help him." Kim begged  
>"No! Stay away from him. Go outside with the others" ordered Jack."and take the damn doctor with you."<br>"I'm sorry but I can't leave. He's my patient." An apologetic Flynn explained.  
>Jack's gun moved from the back of Taylor's head to Flynn's direction. "You sure?" He asked in a deadly voice.<br>"Yes." replied Flynn in an equally strong voice.  
>"Good. Then sit down and get comfortable. "<br>"Kim, give us a few minutes than you can come back and do your thing."  
>He walked up to the head of the bed, holstering his gun, and squatted so he was at eye level with Taylor. As he looked at his friends he felt his eyes water.<br>"You've got to fix this T. You can't go on like this. We can feel your pain, all Kim does is cry.  
>I can't have that. I can't have someone hurting her all the time. You think you can fix this by yourself but you can't. You have to let him help.<br>Taylor looked into Jacks eyes and saw a tear slip out and slide into his dark beard."  
>"I fixed it before, I can do this Jack, I know I can," he said "but it's just - just hard." He said in a trembling voice and then his tears started in earnest. Jack grabbed Taylor into his arms ignoring Taylor's wince and slowly rocked him.<br>"It's gonna be okay, man. Your friends outside are good people. Together, we've got your back. "  
>"They're not my friends. They're my employer and coworker. "<br>"Don't be an asshole. They're your friends. Flynn has a real good rep. Work with him. Now, I am going to prove I really am your best friend. I'm gonna let Kimmy come back in here and she's gonna work on you."  
>"Jack, no, don't let her. "<br>"Sorry dude. We already argued over this and she won. I'm gonna stay and observe, though. She's going to work on your feet, your back, your thighs, and your ass. Shit, I can't believe I'm letting her work on your ass. Flynn can stay too."  
>The door opened and Kim entered, "Thank you, honey and she kissed Jack's cheek. She stood over T's body a moment, eyes closed, in a meditative stance. Then she she looked down and reached for T's feet. Her hands gently touched the soles of his feet, absorbing the heat and pain through his sock and slowly moving up his legs to his thighs and eventually his ass. She kept her head down and worked silently. It was distressing to think he had been in so much pain. She simply held her hands against his sweat pants and sucked in the fiery pain. She never really understood how she healed, she just knew that she could. By the time she finished with his back, Taylor was sound asleep.<br>Jack scooped her up and stood her next to him so she didn't wake him getting out of bed.  
>He sighed putting his arms around her , kissing the top of her head as he pulled her close to his body, "You okay?" He asked softly. She whispered yes so he turned and pushed her gently to the door.<p> 


	15. Chapter 15

Outside in the lounge, Jack sat down on the wraparound couch next to Christian, smiled and said "I have news for you. "  
>"So fast?" asked an amazed Christian<br>"Yeah. People know I'm a very impatient guy. There's good news and there's bad news. The good news is the kidnapping is from the Taiwan shipyard. Chin li provided real-time info to some local punks. As soon as we get rid of the Taiwan connection, your kidnap threat goes down the drain and you can reestablish your security. I've got some friends in high places, with your permission they can negotiate a resolution in 48 hours as long as you don't mind having the State Department involved. They need leverage in Beijing. Taiwan couldn't have hit your system this hard without Beijing's help. You know how it is in the Far East, anything goes as long as you don't get caught. Fortunately, you don't have any Government contracts. If you did I'd worry the Feds might just change places with the Chinese. Give it a few more days and everything should be golden.  
>"Next, what did you ever do to the Lincoln's?Shit, I thought I made enemies easy. "<br>"Is it the husband?" Christian asked.  
>"It's the husband and the wife! Separate transactions. The husband ordered a professional hit on your wife. He paid big money, up front, in advance. Being as that is my area of expertise, I hope you don't mind if I take care if that personally."<br>"Be my guest, replied Christian enthusiastically.  
>"Now the ex, Elena Lincoln, she taken out $100,000 worth of hurt and harass contracts against you, anyone in your family and anything with your business."<br>Sawyer and Christian looked at each other, not understanding. "What the hell?" demanded Christian.  
>"Hurt and harass means just that. For every proved incidence of damage, personal injury, vandalism etc there is a reward. Kids and gangs are usually the ones to profit or amateurs looking to make some extra cash.<br>A few more days here and things should be looking up. Jack stood and Kim took his place. She took Christian's hand in hers, "I know you don't know me, but please believe me, I would never hurt you. She held his hand tightly and briefly closed her eyes. "Please," she implored, "let your wife come stay with me and Jack a few days. She needs to rest, she needs to think and feel again. She's numb and running on empty. It's putting the baby at risk. She'll be safe with us and I can help her with the anguish she feels. She needs a break from all this so she can put everything in perspective. "  
>Christian let out a long weary sigh. The thought of Ana losing the baby made his decision easier. "All right. Try to get her to eat. The only one eating here is Sawyer."<br>"Okay. Let me go talk to her." Kim grabbed her jacket and headed for the door.  
>She sat down opposite Ana in an old weathered Adirondack chair. "testosterone! " she complained, "that place just reeks of it."<br>Ana smiled.  
>Kim continued ,"How can you stand it? When they aren't testosteroning each other, they're making a mess. That RV was never meant to house four big men. Aren't you freezing out here?"<br>"I was going to ask Luke to light the fire pit but I forgot. Is everything okay? You looked really upset when you first came over. "  
>Kim met Ana's blue eyes and admitted, "I was."<br>"See, T and I have this weird telepathic connection. We've tried and we can't close it, but we can turn the volume down real low and if we put enough distance between us, like a thousand miles, than I can't pick him up, until the other night. See it's not exactly a two-way connection but it still pisses off Jack that I can hear T and send to T. T's thoughts just kind of leak into my brain; that doesn't happen with Jack. With T, I not only hear his thoughts, I feel them. Jack has to push his thoughts to me and it really irritates him that T doesn't. Anyway, I started picking up some very disturbing thoughts from T. It scared me. He was giving Flynn a hard time and not even trying to cooperate. He just really pissed me off! I decided to hightail it over here and confront him."  
>"What did you do?"<br>"I started stripping and told him I'd let Jack find us in bed if he didn't start answering Flynn's questions."  
>Ana smiled. "You're a good friend. I have a friend like you. She'd do anything for me."<br>"Have you talked to her ?"  
>"I can't. She's also engaged to Christian's brother. Too dangerous."<br>"I'm cold. Come over to my place? It's the cabin behind the camp store. It 'll be quiet and warm and no one will bother you."  
>"I don't think- "<br>"Exactly! Don't think!" Then grabbing Ana's arm they started out for Kim's cabin.  
>"Fuck." Growled Christian as he watched Ana walk away with Kim.<p> 


	16. Chapter 16

Flynn watched Luke cooking in the kitchen while Taylor stood near the door looking out the window, lost in thought, his face a mask. He been standing there for half an hour, occasionally sipping on a cup of coffee that had long since cooled.

He then looked towards Christian, who sat stiffly on the couch and kept touching his pants pocket. Flynn went over and sat beside Christian.

Christian looked a little nervously at him.  
>He touched his pocket again and frowned.<p>

"I am curious, Christian. Why do you keep touching yourself there?"

"Blackberry. I keep reaching for it to call Barney or Welch or Ros and it's not there. It's very frustrating. "

Taylor looked over at Christian "What about Welch?"

"Your hit man is bringing a newspaper and I gave him a message for the personals."

"A word to the wise, seriously, don't ever let him hear you say that." Taylor said grimly looking Christian dead in the eyes. "He values his privacy and his wife's safety. He will not hesitate to take out anyone who jeopardizes that. He's a hell of a friend but I'd never want him for an enemy." Then Taylor resumed looking out the window.

"Taylor, why don 't you come join us?" Invited Flynn, patting the empty space beside him.

Taylor turned slowly and faced Flynn, "You've had at least two sessions with me already today, how many more do you want?"

"Whatever it takes, Jason. Whatever it takes. "

Taylor sighed and walked over and gingerly sat down.

"Is there anything you'd like to say to Taylor, Christian?"

Apparently Flynn caught Christian by surprise. Taylor stepped into the breach.  
>"He's fucking with us, don't say anything." He said quickly before his boss started dumping shit better left undumped.<p>

Christian looked over at Taylor puzzled. "He's not like that, Taylor. Really, I ought to know."

"You sound very defensive, Taylor. Have you been in therapy before?"

The coffee mug shattered against the wall in a thousand pieces while cold coffee splattered everywhere. Without a word, Taylor started to stand but Flynn laid a gentle hand on his arm.  
>"It's okay. Don't worry about that, it's unimportant. See, Luke is taking care if it. Don't feel bad. It's a normal reaction to someone asking very personal questions. "<p>

Taylor nodded, staring hard at the floor, his fists still clenched.

"It's true, Taylor. I've thrown a lot of shit in his office."

"So," Flynn continued. "Have you been in therapy before ?"

Taylor nodded yes, his head and back bowed in shame.

"Did you find it helpful?"

Unable to look at Christian or Flynn,he stared hard at the floor and shook his head no.

"Can you tell us why you went into therapy and what you expected out of it?"

"Why the fuck do you think?"

"I don't know Jason. Perhaps you could explain. " Flynn asked.

Taylor looked back at Flynn with haunted eyes then leaped up and ran for the door. Outside, the half a cup of coffee he had managed to swallow came back up with a vengence. He held unto the tree blindly while his body searched relentlessly for something to expel. His body was racked with dry heaves, he felt his legs go boneless and knew he would collapse soon when felt two strong arms grabbed him on each side, holding him up.

"It's okay, Jason, we've got you." said Christian.

Too exhausted mentally and physically, Taylor gave into to his body. Christian passes him a handkerchief and Taylor wiped his mouth. He looked down at the white cotton square with a mystified look.

"Surprised? You shouldn't be Taylor, you packed it." observed Christian.

Taylor gave him a weak grin.

Flynn looked at him more seriously. "Can you walk?" he asked.

"Sure," Taylor replied confidently. He wasn't about to admit his legs felt like jello and he was starting to see stars. He jerked his head upright took a deep breath and took two steps before Luke and Christian caught him as he lost consciousness.

Luke swung Taylor's body into his arms and carried him to the bedroom.

"He's dehydrated again." Flynn announced grimly. He turned at looked at the two men hovering behind him, "Have you ever seen him like this before? Not eating or not drinking?  
>Maybe non compliant with a doctors order after an injury? Not taking pain meds, for example ?"<p>

Both men slowly shook their head no. Luke spoke up, "He hates pain meds but he takes them; just really bitches about it. He's like an iron man, we never really worried about him."

Flynn sat on the bed and was busy inserting the IV. "Someone find his pain pills and count them."

It took a moment and then Luke called out "12."

Flynn swung the IV bag up on the nail in the wall he'd used the last time. We need to search for pills. I don't think he has been taking them and he may have stockpiled them somewhere. Let's start here in the bedroom and the bath. "

There was a knock on the door a few minutes later as Jack let himself in. Christian and Luke greeted him somberly as they continued to search the RV for pills.

Jack walked down the hallway to see Flynn and check on Taylor for Kim. "Kim said to check his pillowcase." He said to Flynn looking at his friend's banged up body laying unconscious on the bed.

Flynn drew his hand back from the picture frame he'd been checking. He looked blankly at Jack but reached over to the bed and checked all the pillowcase but the one under Taylor's head without success.

"I've sedated him again. Lift him up and I'll switch pillows and check this one ."

Jack lifted him and Flynn slid the pillow out  
>and another one in. Then, he slid his hand inside but came up empty. He looked at Jack ands shrugged his shoulders<p>

Jack closed his eyes a moment and said simply "Unzip it."

Flynn did and a handful of pills fell out along with a razor blade. Flynn closed his eyes in defeat and swore softly.


	17. Chapter 17

"Until we can get him in a hospital, we are all going to have to keep a close eye on him. I can sedate him fully at night and I can medicate him in the daytime which should keep him drowsy and non violent but he is at enormous risk to hurt himself or even to hurt one of us." Flynn looked at the bleak expressions on Luke and Christian and wished he had better news to impart. "Jack is bringing Kim and Ana and I will explain it to them. Any questions?

Christian got up and said simply, "I need to take a walk." In a tortured voice. He walked in the dark, down the dirt road toward Jacks place, towards Ana. He was almost there when he saw the three walking up the road in his direction. As they neared him, Ana broke away and ran into his arms. She sobbed desperately against his chest. "Oh, Christian, what have we done?" He held her tight against his body and buried his test streaked face in her hair. "Oh, Ana," he moaned into her neck,"How can this be happening? What did I do?" "Ssh, it's not your fault." "I'll never believe that, never. " They started following Jack and Kim, walking slowly, walking through the fallen leaves that coveted the I paved road. Once at the RV, Kim insisted on sitting with Taylor who now slept deeply with the aid of a high dose of Ativan.

She tried talking to him silently without success. Then she tried speaking out loud to him, touching his face, rubbing his buzz cut, calling his name over and over in desperation. Finally, Jack spoke quietly to her as he held her and then guided her out to the others. Jack announced he would be leaving for Seattle in an hour. Kim would be coming with him. He would resolve Christian's problem just like he promised. The sooner the issue with Taiwan and the hit against Ana were resolved the faster T could get the care he needed. There really wasn't anything else they could do and he didn't know when they would be returning.

The next day Taylor woke up grumpy and feeling hung over. Kim was gone; he could feel her but she was far away. He got up and went to the bathroom and then returned and threw himself down on the bed. He heard Flynn come in and shut the door. Just knowing Flynn was there waiting to pounce on him, brought all his anger to the surface. He burrowed his head in the pillow and he could feel the anger deep inside him morphing to uncontrollable rage. "Can't you just leave me the fuck alone?" He shouted and then heard the door open and shut as Flynn left. Christ, he'd only been awake fifteen minutes and already he was drenched in sweat and every muscle in his body ached. His head was killing him. He couldn't control anything anymore. His emotions, his temper were driving him crazy. Either he was crying or screaming or trying to beat the shit out of someone. Did people really used to say he was stoic, that you could get no read on his emotions by looking at his face? Well, that sure fucking changed. What was going to happen to him? Don't be stupid, he told himself. You know exactly what's going to happen. Flynn is going to put you in a psychiatric hospital and you can kiss this job goodbye.

As suddenly as his rage had appeared, he now felt himself being pulled down, deep inside himself in a dark place, a darkness that cocooned him and made emotions of any kind almost impossible. The heavy darkness covered him that movement of any kind required too much effort. So he laid there quietly and eventually fell asleep. Flynn checked on him several times. He was able to get him to open his eyes, but Taylor wouldn't speak or maintain eye contact. He'd just turn his head and shut his eyes. Flynn was extremely concerned.

It was late afternoon when a groggy Taylor opened his eyes on his own. Relieved that he was alone, he stared out the window at the heavily wooded hillside. He glanced around the room and saw a sandwich and coke on the nightstand. He wasn't hungry and he wasn't thirsty. His eyes were drawn back to the woods. Something started to niggle at him. Something wasn't right. He should know what it was. He felt the hair stand up on the nape of his neck and suddenly hit the deck. Flynn flew into the room. "Jason, are you okay? What's wrong?" He asked. "Stay down, Doc. There's a sniper in the woods." Flynn's eyes grew wide. "Did you see him?" He asked.

"No. I felt him. I felt the scope on me and then I saw the flash." Sawyer was standing in the doorway and found this very disconcerting. Flynn didn't appear to be taking it seriously, but Sawyer was taking it very seriously. He'd know Taylor too long and heard too many stories about when he was in Afghanistan. "Are the boss and Ana alone ?" "Yeah," Sawyer replied. "Fuck!" "I could go reconn the hill."

"Not till we have the boss and Ana safe." Flynn observed and was dumbstruck. His barely functioning patient of a few hours ago, now, inexplicably seemed almost normal.

"They'll be coming here soon. They're bringing dinner. Ana likes to see the sunset and then they head here."

"If we leave now, maybe we can intercept them. Flynn - you'll need to come with us." Taylor was tying his shoes and suddenly looked alert and all business.

Flynn was bewildered. If this was some type of psychotic episode it was unlike anything he had ever read about. As the three men stepped into the living room, Taylor called out, "Lukey, I need my gun." Luke hesitated briefly, then pulled a lock box down from a shelf, opened it and tossed Taylor his gun and a clip of ammo. "I trust you, boss" Taylor gave him a weak smile. "Thanks, Luke. It's okay. I got this."

"Fuck, about time T. " and all three men left the RV.


	18. Chapter 18

Flynn hugged Taylor's shadow, unhappy with Sawyer's decision to arm Taylor. They jogged along the side of the trail, Sawyer on one side, gun out and ready and Taylor on the other, with Flynn right behind him, berating himself for not arguing more forcefully against letting Taylor have his gun. Considering all the medication he'd been given, it was far more likely he was hallucinating. Strange that Sawyer never really hesitated. What did Sawyer see that Flynn had missed? Or was it what he said? He needed to ask Sawyer about that.

As the rounded the next curve, he suddenly felt a sting in his leg, Taylor shouted and shoved Flynn off the path. Twenty yards ahead of them, were Christian and Ana locked in a passionate embrace, Christian palm possesivly caressing her baby bump. Sawyer ran zig zagging ahead, yelling and suddenly went down. Taylor moved out to the center of the path and started firing. He saw the glint of the scope and squeezed the trigger gently. Almost immediately he felt his chest explode. He had time for one last thought, that wherever the bullet hit, it was a fatal wound. He would not survive this. Everything went black and he felt himself falling even as his fear grew.

The next thing he knew, someone was calling his name. Slowly, almost reluctantly, he opened his eyes. His heart was racing, his hands were on his chest and he was gasping for air. "Shit, Taylor. What the fuck were you dreaming about?" Taylor looked around and saw he was in his office, sitting behind his desk. Taylor sighed in relief and said, "Luke, you really don't want to know. It was no dream, it was a fucking nightmare to end all nightmares."

"Tell me about it?"

"Let's just say in the end, the boss and Ana were sucking face like usual, in the middle of nowhere on a wooded path. Somewhere above them, in the wooded hillside is a sniper ready to take them out. First he shoots Flynn, "

"Flynn? What the fuck was he there for?"

Taylor shrugged his shoulders and said, "Who the fuck knows. Anyway, we see the boss and you try running a zig zag pattern to get to him, yelling at them to get down but then you get hit. So I get out in the middle of the oath and just start firing up into the hillside where I think he is you and then, bam, I feel the impact of the bullet right in the fucking chest!"

"What happened?"

"Everything turned black and then I woke up."

Sawyer laughed, "Jeeze, T, maybe you need to see Flynn. Want me to call for an appointmen?"

"Fuck you, Sawyer. A man has to have some secrets."

Luke looked at Taylor thoughtfully. When it came to secrets he had no doubt T had plenty. He was even more sure he'd have to be at deaths door to part with any of them. So he smiled to ease his friends mind and agreed, "You're right, T. A man has to have some secrets. Now how about we have dinner. Gail is waiting in us. She sent me to get you and if we don't hustle our asses, she's gonna be pissed."

Taylor smiled at the thought of Gail, stood up from his desk and put the disturbing dream behind him. He did, however, make a mental note to call Barney in the morning and run a few things past him. Just in case.

THE END


End file.
